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WOMEN UNFILTERED: You were never meant to survive life quietly

• Julie Fairhurst • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Start here if you’re ready to trade pretending for truth. We kick off Women Unfiltered with a roundtable on what women are outgrowing: staying too long out of loyalty, swallowing anger to be “nice,” apologizing to avoid conflict, and working past our limits just to be called strong. Julie Fairhurst hosts alongside Tammy Trites, Leah Abrams, and Trish Kimble for a candid, vivid, and bracingly useful conversation.

We dig into the reflex to fix everything and how it keeps us stuck in survival mode. Anger gets a full reframe: not a flaw to hide, but information that points to grief, fear, and unmet needs. Desire shows up as a compass, more time, money, rest, intimacy, and we talk about how women are taught to want “just enough.” The panel unpacks praise that costs us, especially the pedestal of “strength,” and the way social media props up a “good life” that often hides real chaos and pain.

From boundaries to becoming, we get practical. Saying no is treated as a complete sentence. Rest is framed as resistance, not laziness, with honest talk about personal rhythms and the toll of overdoing. We explore waking up between 35 and 65 (and beyond): owning power, lowering tolerance for nonsense, and shifting from role to soul. Along the way, we draw clean lines between fitting in and true belonging, and between being nice and being kind.

The takeaways are simple and strong: you’re not behind, you’re becoming; enough is both a limit and your identity; and you were never meant to survive life quietly. If you’re craving language for what you feel and permission to live it, press play. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help more women find these conversations. Grab the link and get started!


Reach out to Trish Kimble:  https://www.blank-slate.ca/
Reach out to Lea Abrams:  https://www.risewellcoaching.com/
Tammie Trites: tammie@changeyourpath.ca
Julie Fairhurst: https://juliefairhurst.com/

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Who Is Julie Fairhurst?

Speaker • Author • Business Strategist • Founder of Women Like Me

Julie Fairhurst is a force of nature disguised as a woman with a pen and a business brain built for impact. As the founder of the Women Like Me Book Program, she has opened the door for women around the world to share their truth, heal their past, and rise into their power. Since 2019, she has published more than 30 books and over 350 true-life stories — without charging a single writer a dime! Why? Because women’s stories deserve daylight, not gatekeeping.

With 34 years in sales, marketing, and successful business leadership, Julie knows how to turn storytelling into influence and influence into income.

Her mission is clear and unapologetic: break generational trauma one story at a time and help women elevate both emotionally and financially. She doesn’t just publish books, she builds brands, confidence, and possibility, giving women the tools to rewrite their futures, grow their businesses, and lift their families with them.


Julie's Website




SPEAKER_02:

Well, hi everyone, and welcome to the first episode of Women Unfiltered. Oh, I'm so excited about this. Let me give you a little brief little intro to it. So, this isn't a podcast about fixing women. It's about finally telling the truth without softening it, shrinking in it, or apologizing for it. These are conversations of women that are having them quietly, if if at all. What we're outgrowing, what we're questioning, and what we're no longer willing to carry. No scripts, no polishing, and no pretending, just real women, real truth, and the permission to say what has been living under the surface. So, welcome you guys. I'm so excited that you're here. So we have with us, of course, I'm the host, Julie Fairhurst, and we have Tammy Trice, we have Leah Abrams, and we have Trish Kimball. So, Tammy, why don't you start us off with giving us a little bit of information about yourself? Uh hi, my name's Tammy Tritz, and I'm the executive assistant for women like me. Um I uh I have five girls, and I have five grandchildren, so I'm five for five. Perfect, thank you. Okay, Leah, how about yourself?

SPEAKER_00:

Hi, everybody. I've been having I've been coughing. So pardon me. My name is Leah Abrams. Um I'm a mindfulness and somatic coach. I am a sole collage facilitator, I'm a poet, I'm a writer, I'm an educator, I do a lot of things, and I have a business called Risewell, where I do coaching um and primarily circles, and a lot of them are for women, circles for women. I um I also have two daughters. I don't have five daughters, I have two daughters. I have two grandchildren, and right now I'm living in Arizona.

SPEAKER_02:

Perfect. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Okay, Trish.

SPEAKER_01:

Hi, everyone. I am kind of like Leah in the uh fact that I do a little bit of everything. So my company is blank slate, and I started out being a bookkeeper and a virtual executive assistant because that was my background. Um, since then I have also gone into becoming an author and a speaker and a coach and mentor. So that's a little bit of everything that I do.

SPEAKER_02:

Perfect. Well, thank you, three ladies, for being willing to be here. Um, you're you're very brave ladies, that's for sure. Okay, so our first question that we're gonna dive into is where do you see women staying longer than they should have out of loyalty, out of fear, or out of conditioning? So who wants to go first?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I can jump in. Okay, perfect. My first response to that is I see them everywhere. You know, I just see them everywhere. I see it in workplaces, I see it in marriages, I see it in families. Um, there isn't like a profile of a woman um that is dealing with those issues. I think we all are to a certain extent.

SPEAKER_03:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I think that um that uh when I was mulling this question over, I thought, you know, it's it's survival more than choice, maybe, that a lot of women are are, I don't, and I don't want to use the word stuck because you know, but but not able to maybe move forward because they're just in that survival mode.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Well, I think I think people they value them for what they provide, but they don't really see who they are. And so we stay we stay in a uh phase or a position or a relationship usually much longer than we really should.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I agree, yeah. Yeah, it's hard, it's hard for the ones that are supposed to fix everything to be able to push forward, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yeah, or are expected to fix everything, right, right. I mean, I think that we've been conditioned as women to help others thrive, but not help ourselves thrive. Yes, and that we actually commend ourselves for surviving, and I remember, you know, I remember um thinking about that a while back that, you know, I'm a survivor. Well, wait a minute, I don't want to be a survivor, I want to be a thriver, and then I look at the people around me, the people I've impacted, my children, my partners. I've enabled them to thrive, but I haven't allowed myself to thrive.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my goodness, that's a great insight. Yeah, I think we do a lot of that. The bad burner said heavy. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yes. I think that um I made a note down here that um uh what we rarely say out loud is that staying in that environment can be just as harmful as the as leaving, because we fear that leaving, but it might even be more harmful for us to stay, whether that's a relationship or a job or whatever that environment might be, or or whatever we're doing, can be just as uh can sometimes be worse for us.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And sometimes we just don't we just don't see it because we're so clouded in.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think it goes back to that conditioning also that we are conditioned to stay, to stay the course. Yes, want to make the relationships work, right? Um, especially, you know, if you're um, you know, in a marriage or in a partnership with a man, um the expectation that this relationship is gonna work isn't really on us. That's the way I see it, and that's what I not just for myself, but what I see with other women that I work with. And then we feel like failures, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Because we're expected to be the glue, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow, and and we're often quick to jump to take all the blame ourselves. Yeah, right, yeah, we sure are. Yeah, it's whatever, whatever's going wrong, it must be something we did or didn't do.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I remember years ago, um, and even at even at my job, um, it's easier just to apologize, even if I even if I it wasn't my fault. Yep, just apologize, move forward, get it out of the way. So I was constantly apologizing for stuff that really wasn't my responsibility, but I didn't want to sit in that conflict. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, that's why as Canadians, we say, I'm sorry a heck of a lot. And I and I I I had people point that out to me. I was always saying I'm sorry, and they said you can't be sorry for everything. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

I I that's a big one for me, and I hear it all the time. And um, even with clients, you know, pointing out, do you realize how many times you said I'm sorry? And my granddaughter, who is four, now does it, and both my daughter and I point it out to her all the time. You don't need to be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry for, Julia. That you're it's okay, yeah, not your fault. You don't need to be sorry. It's this automatic response. Well, and at four years old, wow, yeah. Well, she's stopping, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

We're working on it, yeah, for sure, for sure. But to have that, but it just gives you the the it just makes you realize that this is societal. Four-year-olds just don't say they're sorry all the time for no reason.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, I think it was something that you said uh just a few minutes ago, Trish, about that not only are we feel sort of responsible, but we also feel responsible to fix it.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Even if it's not ours. Even it's not and actually I find that it, you know, it's it's taking care of others um and not allowing them to take care of themselves.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And sometimes that's received um uh graciously, but most of the time it's you know, people don't really like that actually. They get angry and annoyed, and then you know, as women, we're like, well, wait a minute, I'm just trying to be helpful. Yeah, but it's not mine, it's not mine, it's not my job, right? We take on so much as if it's all our job.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Wow, such great insights here, ladies. Well, let's move on to our next question. So, what emotions do women feel but don't feel allowed to name them? So, what emotions are we are we all out there dealing with, but heaven forbid, just you know, we're not gonna say what that emotion is for whatever reason. What about you, Tammy? You want to start with that one? Uh, the family roles. Uh just the family of a woman's family role. Yeah, you go into uh to be something with two, and you walk out with one, and you take all not only of what is going on with you and child, but whatever he's going through or she's going through, it also reflects on you. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. I feel that um uh anger is a big one that women aren't supposed to feel.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's to me, that's probably the biggest one. Yeah, um anger or um I'm gonna say grief, but that's not the right word. I I often find for women that I talk to and even myself guilt. Guilt is a big thing that we tend to carry around with us for you know, whatever's happening in our life. And as you say, we we try and fix it all. Yeah, and if we can't, then we feel guilty. But anger is, yeah, I would say that's a big one. We're we're not supposed to show people we're angry.

SPEAKER_02:

No, right.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think that actually guilt is expected of us. We can feel we're allowed to feel guilt. It's not a great feeling, and we're usually, you know, feeling guilt or maybe shame, but mostly guilt when it's not ours, you know, to carry. But it's the anger and the rage.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, it is not ladylike to be angry or rageful. It is not okay, and it's not really okay for anyone, but I think um for men, they get away with it more. There's something kind of masculine, or I'm not saying it is, but I think it there's something masculine about anger and rage, um, and something not feminine about anger and rage, but you know what? We have anger, it's not a bad emotion, it's a real emotion. And um yeah, I think that's really yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I think if we're and if we're not expressing it when we are angry, then it's going to come out in different ways, which is not necessarily the most healthy. And I think that, and I think for me as women, um, yeah, if you if you get too angry, then you're just a bitch.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Well, we're we're we're taught, I I I agree from a young age, or I think from a young age, to hold it all in. As you said, as young girls or or women, we're not supposed to show that we're there. So we hold it in, and then of course, then we end up with all of these health issues because we're not dealing with it or we're not expressing it in a in a proper way. There are other ways to express anger, but yeah, it it you tend to think of it as I'm just gonna blow up. And and I can remember raising my kids when they were younger, I had a lot of patience, and then I would reach one point, and then I just went ballistic.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. Right? That's when the kids go on, but then we're categorized as yeah, yeah, yeah. You just yeah, you get to that point and it's just yeah, you know, as you were talking, I it just popped into my head, I forgot all about this. Uh, but you know, being being a young mom with my my um ex-husband, and uh and it was like, oh, if women were angry, well obviously we were menstruating, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I remember I I I forgot all about that because I don't have that issue anymore, but but I remember people that was a big thing. Oh, you know, you're just uh you know, oh, are you having your period?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, right, oh yeah, right, you know, and we could say, no, I'm just pissed, you know. It's got nothing to do with hormones, yeah. But now you're really making me mad. Yeah, right. Now that you've said that. And that anger, as Trish was saying, when you turn it in and you suppress it, you're actually taking the anger out on yourself. And sometimes anger turned inward becomes depression. Yes. And so, you know, a lot of women suffer from that because they have they have this unexpressed anger.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but I find too that women when they feel that they're saying the anger, sometimes they're misjudged and they feel not heard. So they would rather just zip it and nip it and you know, on to the next task.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Avoid avoid conflict at all costs.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Anger sometimes, you know, anger can be an emotion that covers up other emotions, right? That really underneath that anger is immense grief or sadness or fear. Um, and so if you don't deal with the anger, express the anger in some way, you're not gonna get to what's underneath it. Yeah, and that's important, you know, that I think that we need as women to understand that we're worthy of healing. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, you know, and the thing that that strikes me that I think about this all the time, and I talk about it in my work with my clients and in my circles, is the word enough is a really important word, and it means a couple of things. It means enough. I'm not gonna take that anymore. It's enough, and then it's also I'm enough. I'm enough, I'm enough. At the end of the day, even though I haven't gotten through my whole to-do list, I'm enough.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and when you said that in those two contexts, I could feel the energy shift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about what about the emotion of desire? So it might be, I I think that that's a forbidden desire or a forbidden emotion for women. I don't know. What do you guys think?

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely, absolutely. We have to be, I think it's complicated, but I think that we need to be open and available for someone else's desire.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And other people want us, want to feel that we desire them, but it's it's not coming from our own, you know, that own our own place. Not okay to just feel that sense of desire and to express it um in in safe ways.

SPEAKER_02:

And the desire for more time, the desire for more money, all of those. I and sometimes it drives me crazy because I hear so many women say, Oh, well, you know, I just want enough to be comfortable. Well, uh, I mean, okay, I don't, I want more, you know. I mean, and then sometimes I think, you know, okay, well, if you want a million dollars, I mean, you know, it doesn't mean much these days, but if you want a million dollars, are you just not gonna take it? Because now it'll be more than you need to be comfortable. You know, so I don't know. Like sometimes I think we use we say these things out of, I don't know if it's because we don't think we'll ever get it or we don't want to set ourselves up for fit, you know, for not having that desire come to us. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think that's a really good point. I guess for me, I don't really equate desire with more necessarily. It it I equate it more with whatever it is I want, why do I not allow myself to get it? Like, why do I put other people's needs before my own? You know, if my desire is to walk outside right now, take a walk, I go through the well, I need to prepare dinner and I need to do this and I need to do that, and can I really do what I want to do?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And why am I not putting that first?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's so true. That's so true.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Well, let's jump on to the next one. So, what are women praised for that's actually costing them? Costing them something. So they're being praised for something, but it's actually costing them. So one of the things that jumped in with me is um women being praised for being strong.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Because we all have to be strong. We have families, and you know, we have to just stiff upper lip and all that kind of stuff. But what does that cost us for being prayed for being seen that way, being almost on a pedestal because you're so strong? So, you know, for me, that's costing to me. I think that's costs my peace. That costs my I'm tired and I want to go lay down, but I don't because I shouldn't.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I think what it does is it it makes us put more. pressure on ourselves and you know it it's you know we're we're seen as being dependable selfless and endlessly capable which looks like strength um but it it usually comes at a cost for ourselves like we we put ourselves last most of the time and that's what costs us and we need we need to learn to thrive and and make sure that we're taking care of ourselves or doing what we want to do like you said uh instead of just you know saying to somebody oh yes I can do that it it's okay to say no no is a sentence right but we don't do it very often and I know I'm just as guilty at that emotional labor yes yeah what was that Tammy I missed that emotional labor yeah yeah yeah yeah I think it's a really interesting question Julia the way you phrase it what are we praised for you know and I think that when you when you said we're praised for being strong the first thing that occurred to me is that yeah I am strong but that's not all I am yeah you know and I don't want to feel like I am being tied and bound to that definition of who I am I'm strong and sometimes I'm not strong and also what does strong mean?

SPEAKER_00:

Does it mean you know you can push through everything or does it mean that you're vulnerable and you're honest you know there's a lot of ways to interpret it. Yeah the thing that came to me actually the first thing that I thought of was my looks that we're praised for how we look yeah we're praised for being thin we're praised for being you know young looking and having nice skin and then I'm always thinking well that's not gonna last forever no no the body the body doesn't stay that way forever.

SPEAKER_02:

No absolutely yeah I did a podcast with a lady once and she was just amazing she was just uh so has so much uh knowledge and wisdom and she said something she said you know there comes a time when we pass the baton to the younger generation but they don't realize that they're they're coming up with us if they're lucky I think this whole idea of praise though is really interesting because um underneath the praise what is what's the message like I'm always thinking what's the message here is it I really value the fact that you're a strong person or you're strong I need you to be strong and you always have to be strong you know what what's the message and you know I think that all of us humans are complex creatures and um we're a lot of things all at the same time and I think that I know for myself I want to be recognized for that. Right. I think I I think what you said is so true that that um I think it's that we're just expected to be that way. I know for myself I was a single mom for 24 years and so and my ex-husband wasn't a lot of help so I was pretty much had to be I was the strong one and I remember I I was in a relationship with someone and um and uh and I was so tired. I was so tired I don't know I just was so tired and I remember um going to bed and we were in bed and and uh and I all I wanted was a hug right because I just was so tired and so I said to him oh I'm so tired and then he said big mistake he said oh I'm so tired too and I freaking lost it first time the first time I've ever actually lost it and I remember I leaned up on my arm and I yelled well what the fuck can I do to make your life better and that was kind of the end of the relationship. Yeah but that's but you know it's like that's how I was seen that's how we're seen sometimes and we don't get when we need um a pat on the back or or a hug um because we're being strong and it's exhausting you know but then you get people in our life who who don't give a damn. As long as you're fulfilling what I need. Right. Well I you know I think that that feeling of being unseen and uh the your partner in particular the person who is supposed to be your most intimate you know person your person in your life doesn't see you it can be enraging yes I felt the way you felt many times Julie and I've done what you've done before too that anger right that you know like yeah yeah yeah well there just I think there just gets a point where you know and and I think even when I had that little outburst um I still like I wasn't aware I just was aware that I was tired and how dare you you know like you could have at least said oh I'm sorry you had such a bad day or you know little hug or whatever right but you know to them to say oh well I this is what I need and it just and for me it was like just completely not acknowledging or uh my my feelings and but I think my whole life was like that it was my own fault because I let it happen.

SPEAKER_00:

Well I don't know if it's all your own fault. I mean I think society is putting that pressure on you and you know I think it's dangerous territory when and and I want to try and say this in a way that makes sense that I mean the word narcissism comes up for me you know and the idea of when someone does something that you that harms you in some way and you respond to it the problem isn't your response the problem is what that person did. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Right yeah and so often especially as women we're condemned for the response for our responses you're being too sensitive or what's the big deal or you know whatever it might be or that's inappropriate or why are you so angry and it's really not that's not really the problem you're saying we blame ourselves for it you know and we let others blame us too yeah yeah wow well let's go to the next question ladies okay what lies are women still being handed about what a good life should look like I I think I'll take a first stab at it I think um I guess the Cinderella story you know the happily ever after stability equals fulfillment and that wanting more means you must be ungrateful for what you have yeah yeah absolutely yeah you know as as young girls you know and and I I had this with my daughter it's just like you're you're you're always chasing that story you know that fairy tale of of the happily ever after and that's how it should be and and if it doesn't work out that way well then what happened like I did everything I was supposed to do and I should be fulfilled now and and I should be having the good life now but that's not what's happening um and yeah so sometimes we're we're still hanging on to those old that's what a good life should be um but that's not always the reality of how a good life should be for sure one thing I wrote down here was um when I was looking at the question I thought um don't rock the boat and if you're not happy just shift yourself yeah yeah right just keep burying it yeah I think that we're all really told this lie of if you do this then this will happen like this cause and effect thing and what I've learned just you know in the years that I've lived is that's not how life really works.

SPEAKER_00:

No we can do all of this and something totally different's gonna happen. And uh life really isn't about that sort of cause and effect and that word expectation is a loaded word.

SPEAKER_02:

You know um why do we have these expectations based on what based on things that were told us that's the way it's gonna be and then if it doesn't work out we're disappointed or we're we're confused yes yeah and one of the other things I I jotted down here is that so what does a good life look like today as a as a woman and so that would be super busy home um uh acceptable partner steady income smiling photos but all the time you're bleeding inside yeah like that Facebook everything looks great on Facebook oh my goodness everything looks great on Facebook oh what a wonderful life that person has they always look yeah they're always smiling they always yeah and then you find out there's a whole lot more underneath yeah absolutely and I think you're right so right Trisha and I think it's hard for us to when we're looking at social media and we're seeing those things it's hard for us to to think that's probably not real. Yeah or right like I have a girlfriend who was away in Mexico and a couple of her children came and their spouses and and babies and I saw all these one one of the daughter in laws put 75 pictures on Facebook just sent a lot of pictures and I was looking and I was feeling this knot in my stomach because I was happy for her but I haven't done anything like that with my kids and they all look so happy and everything. So then she's actually I've known her for 40 years she's my hairdresser as well so I she comes back I go over to get my hair done the first thing I say when I walk in the doors oh my goodness it looks like you have such a wonderful time with the kids and she looked at me and she said oh no sit down I have a story for you and it was utter chaos the one uh one of her boys got in a fight with her boy a physical altercation with her boyfriend and just like it was nothing like those pictures and I remember when I left get after getting you know the the real goods I thought to myself like how often I look I've looked at those Facebook pictures and felt something a lack or a lawning longing but it's not real. So we're looking at all this and we're feeling like crap or feeling like we're not enough and but really you're not getting the whole picture you're not getting the fist bites and the kids screaming and you know all that other stuff that's going on. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Well it's it's like you yeah I I've I've said before and I've heard it before too it's like thank god Facebook wasn't around when I was growing up but it's so true and I and I tell my grandkids that you know because they look at that and they they see you know these pictures of this and I'm just like you know a lot of that's not real that's not the reality and you know so you have to really look at you know not necessarily just believing everything you see and it's that's the hardest thing is to you know teaching our grandkids or my grandkids that is like it's not all real on there.

SPEAKER_00:

A lot of the um women who I see in in my work are really looking for their authentic selves and authenticity and I think that word's becoming more common in our language and talking about what's real I mean we can go to also you know the whole idea of what fake news is I mean there's a lot of fake there's a lot of fake out there and we're all victims of that and yet how do we really find out who we authentically are learn how to put that out into the world with confidence right and how do we model that for other women I think in some ways it's our responsibility and you know I find as I do this work for myself as well more and more and you can sort of see through that stuff okay that was a moment and everyone's smiling and everyone has good moments and you know probably you know someone's drowning in the background right yes because you know that's what's real and that you know that yeah that life is messy and life is chaotic and yeah so that whole idea of authenticity I think is important.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a good word yeah did you want to add anything to that Tammy? Any thoughts authenticity I I have certainly this year is going to be my year.

SPEAKER_00:

Good myself there's nine nine of them that I've been putting them first so yes yeah exactly yes perfect okay well let's jump to the next one so what do women lose when they prioritize being liked over being honest so the thing that I jot down um first thought that came to me is we lose ourselves yeah yes absolutely yeah it brings to mind something that Renee Brown I don't know if you know who she is yeah she she said that the opposite of bull belonging this feeling of belonging is not what you think the opposite of belonging is actually fitting in because what we do we turn ourselves inside out to fit in to be liked we lose ourselves yeah that's not really belonging fitting in with a group that's already uh belonging is a whole is is a more honest experience so it kind of reminds me of that difference between being liked and all the things that we need to do in order to be liked as opposed to just being honest and authentic as who we are and then then if we're embraced or we're welcomed in then that's a real true feeling of belonging.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah sense mm-hmm mm-hmm yeah yeah I I um spoke to a lady recently and she said we were talking a little bit about this and she said that she never and I didn't real and I never really gave it much thought until she gave me some clarity the difference between being kindness and being nice oh yeah like like I I was we you know when she started giving me all this clarity I thought oh my goodness and I thought I don't know I think I'm I'm nice I'm the nice one I don't think I'm as honest as or or give as I thought I was kind but after I talked to her I realized I'm actually more nice than I am kind which kind of shocked me because I always thought I was so kind but kindness is a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah yeah I think that kindness comes from a real deep loving compassionate place. Being nice uh it could be I'm being the nice girl I'm being the nice one in the group I'm doing all the right things to make someone else feel better um that's not necessarily kindness as a matter of fact sometimes there's a lot of anger and rage behind that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah yeah yeah it we it it's um you know it's so funny because I always walk around thinking you know when I hear something new I'm like oh the things I don't know out there there's so much I don't know that I don't know that I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah and you may not want to know I may not want to know no exactly you know that little thing that you with I don't know if you heard it when you were kids like um sugar and spice and everything nice that's what little girls are made of oh my goodness yes spice and everything and boys are uh something in snails and puppy dog tails that's what little boys are made of do you remember that yes I do yeah I just don't know that line with the boys but yes yeah they grew up with that yeah they were conditioning us we were just be nice which means swallow all the other stuff yeah we lose our voice that's what happens is we lose our voice when when we're you know prioritizing being like over being honest I think you know yeah well why do you ladies think that it's so hard for us to say no because men don't seem to have that difficulty that's true they don't well I think we were we've been conditioned to say yes to everything to be gracious um and to to step up and and everything we've been talking about to care about others and care for others saying no is setting a boundary yeah right I'm not supposed to set boundaries if I say no that means um what you want I'm not willing to give you yeah and it's exactly the opposite of what We've been trained to do.

SPEAKER_02:

And sometimes people think our no is mean well, just not right now.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, we've got to, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Never know. That's actually that's actually a sales practice.

SPEAKER_01:

That's actually a sales practice. Oh. Somebody says no. Well, do you mean no or just no not for not right now?

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

That's clear line that you give back.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that is it's so right, Trish. I had an experience at a car place the other, and I knew this was going to happen because when you go into a place and they think that you want to buy a car, they're just like, especially if you're an older woman. So I was really clear and I said, listen, I'm not here to buy a car. I'm here to get my car serviced. And I'm wondering if it would be worth worth it to trade in my car. So I just want to see. So of course, two young men, they just pounce. And I said, and I'm also not interested in test driving. Oh, I'm going to show you this gray car, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like a this, it's like a that, it's red, it's like a how does he even know that I'm interested in any of that? I sit in it, he goes, Come on, let's take it for a drive. I said, No, I'm not interested in test driving. And this, like, constant, and I kept saying, no, no, no, no. And they finally called a third guy over, and I had to say to the three of them, what is it about the word no that you don't get? And they were like, Oh, oh, no offense, ma'am, no offense. I thought, well, I take offense, and I walked off. And I'm like, Yes, yes, we're good. You know, it was in like I spent so many decades not doing that and sort of like taking care of those guys at the car lot who, you know, and letting them do all, and this time I'm just like, I hit a wall, I just hit a wall.

SPEAKER_02:

They I guess they figured they get go at you long enough, you'll break down. Yeah, wear you down.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but I get it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Good for you. I know whenever I do say no, like to a client who's asking to do something, my husband's like, Are you feeling okay? Like, you don't say no. And I'm like, Yeah, I every night I'm I'm learning to say it more often. And and you know, I have the boundaries, but I I you know forget to enforce them sometimes. So it's learning to to put those boundaries up and say, Yeah, no, I'm not doing that. I actually did that over the the Christmas holidays. I told my one client, I said, Yeah, I'm not working this day, this day, or this day. And of course, I'm getting a text at you know nine o'clock at night on one night, and I didn't answer. And he wrote back second time, like, hello, and I and I text back. I'm on days off, talk to you in a couple of days. And I didn't hear from him, and and it was funny, but I I know my husband, like, he looked at me, he's like, You just that that's unusual for you. I said, Yes, then I needed to do it. So but yeah, I I agree with you. We we don't say no. When we do, it's empowering, so it's it's good for us to set those boundaries and adhere to them and say no sometimes.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. You want to give any input in there, Tammy?

SPEAKER_00:

No, Tammy. All right, I respect that. I respect that answer. Yes, we'll move on to the next question.

SPEAKER_02:

That was good. That might be the best answers of the show. Okay, so what are women? Oh, I love this question. Oh, so what are women waking up to in this season of life, especially between 35 and 65?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, the first my first reaction is I'm 69. I don't fit in that category, but I'm waking up.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't want to interrupt in that.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I think we're hoping that that between 35 and 65 we get it figured out.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, why not? Um good thought there, Julie, but yeah, we tried just extend it, extend it a little bit more. I think part of what I'm noticing in my work, not just for me, but is is women are waking up to the fact that they don't need a partner to be okay.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It doesn't mean that it isn't wonderful to have a wonderful partner. Yes. But I'm seeing how women are not of all these ages, you know, throughout this age range, are not necessarily going out there to find a partner um and and putting aside the rest of their lives in order to do that. It's like that, you know what? All these things that I wanted in a partnership, I'm getting. I'm giving it to myself, I'm getting it from friends, I'm getting it from other places. Um, so I'm seeing that a lot.

SPEAKER_02:

I've found that um and even and even for myself, I'm finding that uh I have a low tolerance of nonsense.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I just have no no time. This is you guys are all irritating me. Like I had, you know, that's it's it's just like I can tell the difference between a serious gotta be dealt with versus like drama nonsense.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I I think I think it's realizing in in this age and extended that uh what worked before doesn't fit in anymore.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I I think that what I'm seeing a lot of is this sort of acknowledgement of between let's just say 35 and 65. There's I think that that women think that they're gonna go through these kind of major transitions, and that's the all those are the only transitions they're gonna go through. And I think women are realizing that transitions are happening all the time, and they're constantly rethinking who they are and their own identity. And I think that is um unexpected, right? For people, and also the unexpected grief that comes from even small transitions. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I um I I think also we're waking up to power.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, yes. And realizing that we we've always had it, we just haven't been using it. We weren't allowed to use it. Or we weren't allowed to use it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And I think that that there's a there's a waking up to, and you know, I'm speaking for from my own perspective and the perspective of the people that are around me, uh, so it's not everybody, obviously, but this this um this sort of growing understanding that the feminine way of thinking and being is worthy, and that we've been in a patriarchal society, there's a lot of imbalance, and it's not that masculinity or being masculine is wrong, it's just one part of who we all are, and sort of the feminine, you know, even things like you know, our emphasis on logical and linear thinking. So that's a left-brain way of operating, it's a masculine way of operating. It's not bad, but it's not everything. And the more sort of circular, the more emotional has always been demeaned. And I think that women in particular are waking up to the fact that this is part of our nature. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And and it and I I you're and you're so right, it is part of our nature, and and um and yeah, we've been taught to sub to um suppress it.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Yeah, and that you know, oh, you know, but we've been belittled for it. Oh, you know, yes, we sure have. That kind of thinking it's okay, that's all well and good, but where's the logic behind it? Well, maybe there isn't always logic behind it. It doesn't have to be. And I think women are um of all ages are waking up to that to to understanding that that's part of their power, actually.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I think I think that um, yeah, we're not, I think at at this age, one of the things I find that I like about getting older is that I'm I'm seen for me. Yes, if that makes sense. Like I'm like I'm not pretending because I used to pretend. Yeah, yeah. And and in the my career I had, I had to pretend. So it didn't matter what was going on or or how I felt or anything at all. When I knocked on that person's door, I had to have that nice little smile on my face, yeah. And you know, and and uh pretend through the whole thing, and then get back out in my car and have tears and all of that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I can remember doing that on several occasions. Yeah, yeah, and and and then you don't know how you get through it, you just do, yeah. But it's like you said, yeah, I'm just pretending and yeah, and I think now because I feel more in my own skin and I feel my power, I would, I wouldn't go.

SPEAKER_02:

At least that's what I think today. I would, you know, or at least if this is happening to me today, I would not go. I had an appointment with a girlfriend and I had a bad day, and then funny enough, she had a bad day, and we talked, and we're but and we're both like, yeah, we're both having bad days. So um, yeah, let's just stay home and and chill. And that's what we did. Whereas years ago, I would have probably sucked it up. I wouldn't have even had the confidence to make that make that phone call.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I hear I you know, I think that what you're what I'm thinking as you're speaking is that there's a level of acceptance and self-acceptance that that starts to happen as you get older. And I also think for women there's a certain amount of invisibility that happens too.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, because society doesn't know really know how to how to um how to deal with with age, with aging and elderhood. Yeah, to be an older woman. I mean, some cultures it's not like that at all. That no weird for our women.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah. You want to jump in, Tam? You got anything to say?

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. All right. Well, let's go to we're almost through. It's been so interesting. I've just been loving our conversation. Okay. So here is another question. What do women need more permission for right now? Not advice, not motivation, but permission. What do they need permission for? My thought is we need permission to be able to change our minds. We do. That's a good one. We do, because so often it's like, oh, but you said you were gonna do that. Oh, you you know, uh well, you know, I changed my mind. I reconsidered and and I've decided that's not something that I want to do. Or I said that a long time ago. Why are you bringing it up now? You know, so I think we need permission to be able to change our minds and and recalibrate and and go on a different path if that's something that we want to do.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think we need permission to be ourselves and actually not from someone else. We need to give ourselves permission. Yeah. Who are we asking permission of? Right, right, right. We have to give ourselves permission. I have permission to show up authentically in the world. I have permission to say what I feel and what I believe with a certain amount of compassion and kindness, but honestly, um, I give myself permission. I think we need to all be able to say that. I give myself permission for this. Um as we start asking some kind of outside authority, we're in trouble.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yes, we are. You're right. Yeah. Like yeah, yeah. I one of the big things for me, and I know I've I've spoken to lots of women who have had this issue, is not resting.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yes. Go, go, go. With the like the ever ready bunny.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. Huge. And as a matter of fact, there's like a movement of that. There's uh Trissa Hersey wrote a book called Rest is Resistance. And she has a thing called the Nap Ministry. And she talks about it, and not just for women, but for everybody, that it is actually an act of resistance and that rest isn't running away from anything. It's reviving, it's um giving ourselves the time to reset, to take care of ourselves so that we can show up better um and in our full in our fullness. And so I oh, that's huge. I'm glad you brought that up. Rest.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. I think that uh yeah, I never I I've started napping now, but I remember, you know, 10, 15, 20 years ago, it wouldn't matter how tired I was, I would not nap.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I would just push my way through it. And then finish work, come home, cook, clean the kids, get them ready for bed while the husband's having a beer watching the hockey game. Right. Yes, yeah, no, for sure. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I'm I'm great as long as I keep moving, but if I sit down, I'm I don't sit down and watch the news and I'll fall asleep, you know, six o'clock at night.

SPEAKER_00:

We we go way beyond our actual capacity. We do, then we're hurting ourselves, and so I'm training, retraining myself. Also, what's expected of us in jobs, um, that you know, we all have our own biorhythms. Like for me, the afternoon hours, I'm worthless, worthless, one to four. Like, forget it. I need to take a siesta, and sometimes those were the high power times when people, you know, you need to make decisions, you need to do things, and I felt like a failure. Yeah, but all I really need to do is take like a 20-minute nap. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Clarity reason.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, it's like you, it's like you said, Lee. We we all function, you know, some of us function better in the morning, the morning lark, or some of us are the night owl. Like my husband is a night owl, and I'm a morning lark. Um he he can, you know, he'll stay up all night and do stuff. And and me, I'm it's like if I make it to 10 o'clock, it's like, yeah. You know, but I'm up at five. So yes, and that's where my best brain is, is in the morning. That's my best brain. But for him, his his best brain or his best thinking is late at night. So it's, you know, and yes, you can train yourself to turn around, um, but it can be hard. And it's like you said, sometimes you just need that afternoon nap to rejuvenate, and then you can get back in it. And when you don't, then it's like you said, you're just kind of useless, you know, you're you're not making sound decisions or you're you're floundering and you know, not doing what you want or what's productive.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think it's important for us to teach our kids. I remember when my I have two daughters, and when they were little, I would call um the school a few times a year, and I'd say to the nurse, we're taking a wellness day. And when I first did that, she was just like, Oh, what? Are you sick? Is someone sick? Is that why you're home? No, we're fine. We're staying home today, and we would have the best time. Yeah, and the kids were excited to go back to school the next day. We're all revived and rejuvenated, and you know, we'd stay in our potatoes and whatever we did, we did or didn't do. And so there's so there's this thing that I heard the other day, uh, a couple weeks ago, and I'm using it a lot, the idea of overdoing and underbeing. Oh we're always, especially as women, overdoing. But when we overdo, we also underbe, just be, just being. We don't give ourselves enough time to just like look at the clouds or you know uh nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

It's so oh my goodness, that's so true. And I think the other thing that we negotiate about is time.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. It's um yeah. It's it's like, oh well, I'll yeah, I'm gonna do that as soon as the kids are older, or I'm gonna do that as soon as as soon as I get make so much money, then I can do that. Or I'm gonna, or I'm gonna do this, or yeah, or I'll go see that person, or yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And for me now, I'm approaching 70. I'll be 70 at my next birthday. So that's different for me now. I'm becoming really aware of time in a new way that if there are things that I want to experience, I'm gonna do it now.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's where I'm at right now. That's where my husband just retired. And I said, you know, I'm still working, but I work from home. And I just said, I want us to start, you know, going and doing things instead of just you know, working. And he worked shift work, and so you're always limited as to when and where you could go. And I said, Yeah. So I said, we're gonna take a nice big trip this coming year, just to, you know, I'll probably work during it, but that's okay. It's it's you know, getting out there and doing what I want to do. And I think that's a big shift. It's as we get older, we we tend to look at more of what we want to do as opposed to what we have to do.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that that is so true. That's where I am. I'm like, I don't want to do that. No, I don't like doing that. This is what I like doing. I like doing this and this and this, but that over there, I don't like doing so. I'm not going to do that anymore.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And same thing, right? We start to see the world shorter.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It's a much shorter world out there.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, ladies, we are down to our last question. You, I just can't believe, such great conversation. Okay, so here's our last question. If women that are listening could hear one collective truth today, what would it be? What do you think that truth is out there? I can say that we were never meant. Hang on, sorry. We were never meant to survive life quietly. You were meant to live honestly.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would say I would say we are the collective, we are enough.

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry, go ahead, Trish.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I think one would be you're not behind, you're just becoming.

SPEAKER_02:

I love it. You know, that's almost you said it way better than I would say it, because what I was gonna say is you're not late. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's just you're just becoming. Stepping into your time.

SPEAKER_00:

I think that we're becoming that's what we're doing our whole lives. We've become our end day, you know. That's what we are. That's yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and as women, statistically, we live longer than men. So we need to we need to understand and and become who we want to become.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. Our roles uh over the years are, you know, daughter, then um mother, wife, or that's supposed to be the other way around. Wife, then mother. Theoretically, yeah. It could be either way, and um and grandmother, and all of those, you know, all of those things. And sometimes we we forget. Or I remember years ago, uh money was tight, and I was doing some volunteer work that I just loved, like it filled me up, but it wasn't paying me anything. And my job, I wasn't doing my job the way I should have because I was doing all of this, all I wanted to do was this volunteer work, but it didn't pay. So I had to make a decision, and I made the decision to drop the volunteer work, but in my head, in my mind, I always thought I can go back to it one day, and I have. So now I've gone back to it because I have the time to do to go back to it. Yeah, so we do so as women, you know, we may have to set some things aside for because that's you know, we we live in a country where you have to have money to live. It's just the way it is, right? So we have to get money from somewhere, so we have to, you know, do those things. We have to make sure our children have food, if you know, those kinds of things. So we we end up making those um decisions to drop certain things or leave things behind, but it doesn't mean forever. That's what I always want women to know. It doesn't mean forever. You can pick that up anytime you want. There'll come a time when you can pick that back up, right? Yeah, mean forever, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And and we we don't, I don't think we outgrow our lives, uh, and it's certainly not in just one moment. Everything happens, I'll say quietly over time. There's lots of little things, you know. We we don't we don't need to be polished, we don't need to resolve or fix everything. We just need to let our lives happen and become quietly over time.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, beautiful. You know, there's this work um that this book that I found a while back, and it has informed me so much and affected my life so much, and it's called The Inner Work of Age from Role to Soul. And it's by a woman named Connie Zweig, and what it really is about is that we get to a point in our lives when, and and I've gotten to that point where it's not another role that I'm looking for, it's deep into my soul and understanding who I am and what the gifts that I have to bring into the world. And I think when we're younger, as you said, Julie, we're so busy taking care of everyone, making money, we don't have time to do the work that feeds our souls, that brings our souls out into the world, and that is the beauty of age. Yeah, if you are privileged enough to be to have that, you know, and that point, it's absolutely yeah, and and um you know, I always think, well, every once in a while, when I'm like, uh oh, you know, what birthday am I at now?

SPEAKER_02:

But then I say to myself, but I'm here, I'm here, I'd rather be here than not here, so I'm just gonna be happy about that. And then and and then we take in all those beautiful things, like you were saying, you know, are uh that we have now, we have time for those things. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be so interesting.

SPEAKER_01:

I think more important, we make the time we do things. We do, we that's what changes, yes, that's what changes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It's gonna be so interesting to see the next generation of ladies coming up because in the beginning we were chatting uh about you know how it's a little different for for that generation now, and it's gonna be so interesting to see what their thought processes were as they were coming up and and getting older. And uh yeah, I'm just I'm so curious. Well, I'm very scared for those stories. Yeah, you're what scared for those stories. For those stories, some of them, some of them, yeah. With what's poking on today, I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Well, it'll be interesting because it's a different time, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. I just I just I want to be here so I can see it. My own eyes, and I can go, uh oh, that's what that's what you guys felt. Interesting. Yeah, yeah. Well, ladies, we did it. We did all of our questions. We got deep and and uh real and raw, and it was wonderful. So thank you, Tammy and Trish and Lee for Leah for being here and doing this with me uh at this time. I I just appreciate all three of you so much. And I'm I can't wait to get this out into the world so that we can share it with everybody. And I know that our conversation is definitely going to help women out there. So thank you all for doing this. And for you listening or watching, I want to just remind you that we will have um information in our show notes so that if you want to reach out to Leah or you want to reach out to Tammy or you want to reach out to Trish or if you want to reach out to me, uh, the information will easily be there for you so that you can go ahead and do that. Okay, ladies. Well, that's it. Thank you so much for um for being here and being willing to do this. I as I say, I I appreciate it uh it it so much. It's um it was just um it was a wealth of information, such a great conversation. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you. Okay, bye bye, everybody. All right, bye, ladies. Bye.