Women Like Me Stories & Business

SUE BARTEL: Hot Flashes? No. Gaslighting? Yes. Now What

• Julie Fairhurst • Episode 172

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Your body says something’s wrong. The room says you’re fine. That tension is where too many midlife women live, and it’s exactly where Sue Bartel refused to stay. After a hysterectomy sent her into a cascade of gut pain, brain fog, anxiety, and sleepless nights, she met a wall of medical dismissal, twenty doctors across two countries, and the same answer: go home. 

Instead, she built a map. We sit down with Sue, founder of My Unmess, to explore how she turned research, relentless self-advocacy, and community into real relief and a path others can follow.

Sue explains how hormone swings disrupt the brain-gut axis, making digestion, mood, and cognition wobble at once. She also calls out the structural gaps: minimal menopause education in medical training and decades of research centered on male bodies. Rather than despair, she offers a blueprint, stack practical habits, track patterns, and use targeted support.

 Her supplement, Headstrong, combines adaptogens, nootropics, and a bioenhancer to support energy, calm, sleep, and focus over time. No silver bullets, just smart chemistry and consistency.

Beyond biology, we dive into the human side of midlife: kids leaving, routines shifting, intimacy drifting, and identity getting blurry when symptoms are invisible. 

Sue’s weekly coaching circle and Facebook community create space to compare notes, rebuild confidence, and move from confusion to agency. She shares how to prepare for appointments, what questions to ask, and how to spot progress when it feels slow. 

The message throughout is empowering and clear: believe in yourself, find allies, and keep going. If you’ve been told to stop looking, press play and take back the narrative. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs this, and leave a review to help more women find their footing.

Visite Sue's website:  https://myunmess.com/

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Who Is Julie Fairhurst?

Speaker • Author • Business Strategist • Founder of Women Like Me

Julie Fairhurst is a force of nature disguised as a woman with a pen and a business brain built for impact. As the founder of the Women Like Me Book Program, she has opened the door for women around the world to share their truth, heal their past, and rise into their power. Since 2019, she has published more than 30 books and over 350 true-life stories — without charging a single writer a dime! Why? Because women’s stories deserve daylight, not gatekeeping.

With 34 years in sales, marketing, and successful business leadership, Julie knows how to turn storytelling into influence and influence into income.

Her mission is clear and unapologetic: break generational trauma one story at a time and help women elevate both emotionally and financially. She doesn’t just publish books, she builds brands, confidence, and possibility, giving women the tools to rewrite their futures, grow their businesses, and lift their families with them.


Julie's Website




SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to another episode of Women Like Me Stories and Business. I'm your host, Julie Farhurst, and I'm very grateful to have this lady with us today. I've done a bunch of research on her, and she really is a wealth of information, and she's gone through some pretty, uh, pretty tough times uh medically wise. Uh so we're gonna talk about that today, and hopefully uh we will help you with some of issues that you may uh be having or somebody that you know. So let me introduce Sue Bartell. Today I'm sitting down with a woman who refuses to die quietly in the shadows of medical gaslighting. A woman who clawed her way back from the edge when the system shrugged and said, Stop looking. Sue Bartell, founder of My Unmess, is the voice every middle woman witches walked into the doctor's office with her. So, Sue, thank you so much for being here. Do you want to tell the audience a little bit more about yourself?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, and thank you. My pleasure for being here. And yeah, I would love to. So, um, like many of us midlife women, I struggled, but I didn't even know why or what was going on. So at 38 years old, I was forced into a hysterectomy. Oh, and following that, I had nothing but problems. I was sick all the time, I was back in the hospital all the time. I kept seeing doctor after doctor, and they kept making me feel like I was crazy. It was unreal. I've I've always been a confident woman, I've been a self-employed woman my whole life, and I lost my confidence, I became anxious, I was sick, to the point in which I actually seen over 20 doctors both in Canada and in the US, because I figured, well, maybe if Canada is not working, let's go to the US. I got the same response every time. Nothing's wrong with you. Go home. The straw that broke the my camel, like the camel's back for me, was the last time I went to the ER because I was in so much pain I couldn't even stand up. The doctor actually told me to stop trying to find the problem because I was only doing myself more harm. That was the moment that I realized that if I was going to get healthy, I needed to count on me. I couldn't count on our medical system anymore. Wow. Yeah, so it was absolutely disheartening to be honest.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um but then I did thousands and thousands of hours of research, found a series of supplements, started taking that, and not only did I feel amazing after three months, I felt the best I had felt in decades.

SPEAKER_00:

So wasn't so wasn't the so was it the um uh the surgery that did you get thrown into menopause? Is that what happened?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so and you know they gave you no warnings, they don't tell you this is gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00:

No, they don't.

SPEAKER_02:

And and then our moms and our ancestors suffered silently, they didn't tell us about any of these symptoms, right? We yeah, we've heard of hot flashes, but I wasn't having hot flashes, yeah. So I didn't even know I was having perimetapause and metopause symptoms, I just thought something was wrong with me because if if you don't feel right, yeah, something's wrong, right?

SPEAKER_00:

How did you feel when that doctor told you to stop looking?

SPEAKER_02:

I actually started crying hysterically, I'll be honest. And the doctor actually had the guts to look me in the eyes and say, is it emotions or is it pain that's making you cry right now? I was so thankful my husband wasn't in the doctor's room with me at that time because I think he would have lost his calm.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Wow. That's um so so he just figured it was something that that it was emotional that was happening with you, not necessarily real pain. Is that kind of what they were getting at with you? I I don't even know.

SPEAKER_02:

And you know what the worst part of it? It was a woman doctor in midlife herself. Oh so you sit there and you go, Okay, can you like what on earth is going on? So as I started doing research, I thought I was a regular girl with irregular problems, right? But then as I started talking to other women like yourself and thousands of other women, I realized, holy smokes, these women are also suffering with the same sort of challenges, yeah, unknown, gut pain, uh digestive challenges, weight gain, not being able to think anymore, like everything. And it was like, whoa, maybe I'm not a regular, maybe this is the norm. And it just blew my mind to realize this is a norm, and we all sit there silently. Yeah, it's just mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_00:

When you saw those 20 doctors, because that's amazing. 20, 20 doctors is a lot of doctors, and and in two countries as well. And so, what was the most shocking uh moment in that in that medical dismissal that you were experiencing? Because you saw a lot of doctors.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, um, I would say the band aid, they're all trying to tell you, like, oh well, just go on antidepressants, and I'm like, but I'm not depressed. Yeah, but that's not my problem. I'm happy, I have a good life, right? I mean, I'm I'm upset because I'm sick, yeah, but I'm not depressed. So, how is that gonna fix my problem? And they kept pushing for that, and I'm and I I refuse to go on a med that I didn't feel would help me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, you said that you were experiencing uh uh severe pain. So, where was the pain coming from? What was causing the pain?

SPEAKER_02:

So it was like gut health, because when when you start to go through perimetopause and metopause, all your hormones are all over the map. It's like being on a roller coaster without a track. So now all of a sudden, not only is your brain heavily affected, but your gut is also affected because every one of those soldiers inside of your body is sitting there going, let's try this. No, let's try that, let's try this, let's try that, and they get confused, which is why so many people uh so many women have such severe brain fog, such severe um lack of being able to um sleep, you know, and and weight gain, and like the problems just escalate because our body is trying to fight the problem, but it doesn't know what to fight first.

SPEAKER_00:

Right, right, exactly. Wow. You know, as you're talking, I'm thinking to myself, now there may be clinics like this out there, but I I I've not heard of one. Do you know? Are there any menopause-specific clinics out there that we as women can go to? Because we're like half the population, and every one of us will eventually go through this um uh when we get there, right? Uh, and and so, you know, you go to your doctor, and and I hear you, you know, they want to give you antidepressants, or they want to give you this, or they want to give you that, and a little pat on the back. But really, we need some attention. It would be great if there was some clinic that we could just wander into to who understood what was happening and able to really give us real help.

SPEAKER_02:

Right, exactly. And actually, that's one of the things that I am leading up to in my business because there's such a lack of them. There's the odd city here and there in North America that has one. You can go, like if you're US-based, you can go to the menopause um organization and they'll tell you kind of where the main ones are in the US, but there isn't a centralized location to be able to tell you where things are in Canada. Yeah. So it's it's absolutely mind-blowing. So that's one of the things that I'm actually evolving towards creating eventually in my business is to be able to have a virtual location where you can get all of those services because we all need something slightly different. But most importantly, what we need is someone to tell us that what we're going through is normal and it's okay. And if we only talk about it, then we can all of a sudden realize hey, you know what? You tried this and it worked great for you. I tried this and it didn't work. So let's compare notes and figure out what's gonna work maybe for the next person.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You know, I was just as you were talking, I uh uh a girlfriend who used to work for me, she's a little older than me, um, uh worked for me like maybe 15 years ago, and she was going through perimenopause. And I would come into work uh and um and she would be just bawling. I'm like, what? What are you crying? What are you crying for? She could never tell me what she was crying for. I don't know why I'm crying, I'm just crying. And I felt so bad for her. Um, and it was the same thing. She went to the doctor, they put her on antidepressants, but it was that whole menopause thing that was happening to her.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, yes, it affects your hormones and your state of mind so much. And like I've I've been there myself. I'm sure you've been there yourself where you know, my husband's laughed at me for crying at one of those commercial UNICEF commercials because you know, these poor kids, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'm like, Yeah, the emotions definitely uh get highlighted for sure. Yeah, they elevate, they elevate. So you so what we find is a lot of women never fight back when they're going into the doctors. They and they told you or they fold because they get exhausted. So what kept you going? What kept you not giving up? I mean, 20 doctors. I personally wouldn't have it in me. I know. I I would have just give me a glass of wine. I don't know. But that's a lot. That's you were determined. So what kept you going?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, you know what? I I just have that competitive spirit in me. So I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't know what it was. So I was like, I sincerely at the time believed that the doctor was gonna help me find my solution. So I was like, well, I'm not gonna give up because I want to feel good again. So I'm like, uh I just gotta keep finding one. And then eventually I got to that point where it was like, oh, shoot, if I would have realized, I could have helped myself all along.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe I could have avoided a couple of years of heartache.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, exactly. Yes, yeah, for sure. Um so you were quite literally, literally became your own medical team. So, what did you discover about the gaps? Did you or did you discover gaps in women's health care?

SPEAKER_02:

Huge, huge gaps. In fact, um I read a book them um by Mary Claire Haver, she's a menopause specialist, and they in fact teach in medical school up to one hour of menopause training. That's it. So any doctor that has to that that's trying to help a woman has zero knowledge unless if they pursued this on their own. On top of that, they have in the medical system a code, WW. It stands for whiny woman, and it generally, coincidentally, is midlife women. Wonder why. We're not just whining, we're sitting there going, something's wrong. Help me. So there's a huge, huge gap in education from the doctor's standpoint. The other thing that I never realized until after I started digging into all this is we've done hundreds of years worth of anatomy research and science and all that on the body, but 96% of that is done on the male body. Well, female and male genetics are different.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, we're very different. For sure, absolutely, we're different.

SPEAKER_02:

That's huge, right? So, like this is why you you often see women complain that hey, a man complains that he's got ED, no problems, he can go to the doctor and he can get he can get take a little blue pill or something, yeah. Right, but women don't have that same that same response, but that's just because they haven't studied women and the women's anatomy. So that's a huge gap that I I believe will take a very long time for the medical society as a whole to fix. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So did you did you create a supplement formula for yourself?

SPEAKER_02:

I did, yeah. I played, I used to own a bakery before this, so I was very I was very familiar with playing the science science geek, for lack of a better word. Um, so I would literally take capsules, take little different things, mix it all together, try things, see what would work. And once I found something that works really well for me, I kind of sat there and I went, maybe I need to like contact a lab, get this third party tested, and see how I can help other women. Because I thought I was the unusual. And when I realized that I wasn't, and everybody else was struggling with these same problems, I was like, oh my god, I need to help these people, these poor girls that are suffering the same way I did. Yeah, and like you said, most women would not have the patience to look at that many doctors. Yes, yes, I don't think anybody should have to go to two. Never mind 20.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, exactly. Right? Yes, exactly. And so is that when is that when the uh unmess way was born? That is exactly how the unmess way was born. Why don't you tell us a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_02:

So the reason I chose the name My Unmess is because life is messy, life is chaotic, yeah, and we can't change that. We have to accept it, but there are things we can do to unmess life a little bit every day. So this is my messy life, and I'm working to unmess it. So that was kind of the basis behind the name, and because to me, perimetapause and metopause is so much more than just your hormones, it's so much more than just taking a supplement and just getting your gut health and your mental health and all that back in order.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, it's it's a big picture, right? Yes, for sure. So do you so are you so what are you doing to help women today? Are you selling those supplements? What's what's going on?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, so I sell the supplements both on Amazon.com and on my Shopify store, which is myunmask.com. I also have a free weekly uh perimetopause life coaching group that I do to help women from you know the mental health standpoint, help them cope with emotions, give them tips and tricks, and then I have a Facebook support group as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow, great, and I'm building to expand that every day. Yes, yeah. So, so the your supplements then, so do they like I'm just curious because I have no idea how this works. Do they get approved by the the the system in Canada or or do they not need to be approved because they're natural ingredients? I have no idea. So tell us a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, so there is a regulation process that you have to go through in Canada to get your your supplements approved, just like just like anything else, right? Same with um when you're selling a loaf of bread. You have to make sure you're you're doing so not in your kitchen at home because who knows if how clean it is. Right. So you have all that. Um, there's um national product registry in Canada that you go through for that. Um, so I'm in the licensing process for that. That takes quite a while in Canada, which is why we started on Amazon.com. Ah, because it's a little bit faster there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yes, yeah, for sure. Yeah. So well, that's interesting. So, what do the supplements do? How do they help?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I'm so glad you asked. This is my absolute favorite part because it's actually sometimes hard to talk about the benefits of my supplement because they have so many amazing benefits. So, the first thing you'll notice with the supplement is you'll have more energy, you'll feel calmer, and you'll have a better sense of focus. So, those are the first few things that you'll start to notice. But with time, it helps kind of regulate your entire body. Like most supplements, it does take time to get the best benefits from it.

SPEAKER_00:

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02:

So you'll have better sleep with time, your hair will look nicer with time, your energy will be better, you'll have a better sense of calmness, you'll have better mood, less anxiety. Like the the stack of benefits is just unreal. Oh, and most importantly, less brain fog. I almost forgot that one.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's that's important. That is very important. Yeah, what I have a have a meeting today, yeah, exactly. Yes, yes, yeah, for sure. Yeah, and so so can you tell us a little bit about you don't have to tell us all your secrets, but can you tell us a little bit about what what what you what your ingredients are?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, of course. So I have a combination of bioenhancers, uh, adaptogens, and nootropics. So nootropics are good for like the mental health side of things. Um, sorry, the the adaptogens are good for the mental health side of things, the nootropics are good for the cognitive health side of things. So, what I found through through doing my research is a lot of people will take like ashwagandha, for example, which is a very well-known supplement, which I have in my supplement for women in perimetopause. But sometimes what happens is you actually need to supplement stack because one supplement alone won't give you enough to be able to get your body over that hump.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

So I actually have eight different ingredients in there, and they're all at full grade um doses. So you're not getting like a quarter dose like you would normally get in a supplement because you know They've watered it down. Then it's just not working because I'm trying to cut costs.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

I wanted something that was effective. And so, and then the the my favorite ingredient at the end is um the bioenhancer, which is a bath pepper extract, which actually enhances the productivity of all the other great ingredients by up to 2,000%.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow. Wow. So tell us the name of the of your product.

SPEAKER_01:

Headstrong, because you know, this is what us women need. We need to be headstrong again. Headstrong. I love that.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. And that you're selling that on Amazon. It's not on Amazon.ca, but it's on Amazon.com. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. But if you are looking to purchase in Canada, you can purchase from my website in Canada.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. So just so everybody who's watching and listening knows is that is that I will have uh all of those links in the show notes for you so that uh that you can you can read if you're in Canada, you can reach out to Sue and get them from her personally, or if you're in the US and you want to um uh get them there, you can you can always look them up on, even though you're in Canada, you can always look them up on dot com just to to familiarize yourself with them. But I did look at your website, you do have quite a bit of information on there, so so good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And then additionally, if anybody is uncertain and has questions, I have a contact form in there. I'm super, super responsive. I want to help women. That's my goal. And you know, if you're struggling with perimetopause symptoms and you need support and and I don't feel as though my supplement will be the perfect fit for you, I will help guide these women in the direction in which I feel will be most helpful. Of course, I'm not a doctor, so they need to, you know, double check with their doctor if whatever they feel comfortable with. Yeah. Um, but uh I will I will help guide women in every way that I possibly can.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, good for you. You know, you you went through quite a struggle. Uh, I I as you were talking, I have a writer, um, one of my writers. Um, I have a writing group, and I have helped 180 women write their true life stories. And so I remember this one writer in particular, and she had, she wasn't going through uh menopause, but she had fibroids, I think it was. And she had a heck of a time getting someone to listen to her. And when they finally did, they helped her, and and everything was much better. But she, I know she didn't go through 20 doctors, but she went through a lot trying to get that help.

SPEAKER_02:

I know it's so disheartening. It just breaks my heart every time, and it's unbelievable. Like, start talking to women and asking them these kinds of questions, and you'll be shocked how many of them are saying the same thing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, exactly. Yeah, and I think that it's great too that you've got some support groups out there. So you've got one on Facebook, and where did you have another one?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, so I have a weekly life coaching group. It's at Wednesdays at 2 p.m. Central Time. Uh so a few of us, we get together, we do kind of talking about, we hone in on a specific topic for the day. Last week we were talking about um enforcing date nights because here's another thing that challenge that is challenging when we get to midlife. Most of us are moms, our kids grow up, they don't really need us anymore. We're disconnected with our spouses, we have to rediscover ourselves. Yeah, it's a whole lot going on all at once, and then on top of that, we have emotions and perimetopause challenges. Like, who came up with this to do that?

SPEAKER_00:

That's so true. Oh my goodness, no wonder we're we're um we need to really unmess ourselves. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and I still have a teenage daughter at home, so I make jokes all the time. I was like, who thought this was a good idea? Teenage hormones and very metopause hormones at the same time in the same house.

SPEAKER_00:

In the same house, yeah, yeah. Wow. Well, good for you, Sue. Um, can I just get you to just maybe say something in closing? So if a woman's listening right now and they're sort of at their rock bottom moment, symptoms are worsening, doctors are dismissing them, what would you tell her today?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I would tell her, first of all, believe yourself. Your symptoms are so valid and they're true. And be your own advocate and do your research. Our Facebook group is called Fate um Perimetapods, the Unmess Way. So join our Facebook group, reach out to other people, whether whatever your comfort level is, don't do it alone. You know, find your your friend, your sister, your mom, your someone, a stranger online, whatever you find that's the most comfortable with, and just have those conversations. Because sometimes having those conversations is the first step towards making you feel a little bit lighter and making you feel more able and capable of tackling this big mess.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think too, um understanding that it's not all in your head and and speaking with other women that are going through it, and and they can validate your feelings um uh and how you're you know how you're feeling about things. I think it's I think that's so important because it's it's it's one of those things where you can't really see it, other than we start gaining weight. Exactly. You can't see what's happening, you can't see the brain fog, you can't see the aches and pains and and uh the emotions, although you know they can come out, but but um you know a lot of women do very well at hiding things until they get home alone. You know, yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so yeah, and you know, and everybody's way that they accept these challenges are also different because one person's gonna put on five pounds and be like, meh, it's just five pounds, and the next person's gonna be like, Oh my gosh, it's five pounds. Yeah, I gotta, I gotta do something about this, yeah, right. So finding that person that you connect with from a support standpoint, right? Because if you're trying to talk to someone who's put on five pounds and doesn't care, and you do, well, you're gonna feel disconnected again. Yeah, so don't don't just uh stop at your first place to look. Keep looking because you are valid. Yes, you do matter. Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's beautiful. Well, thank you so much, Sue. And so remember everyone, we're gonna have details of where you can uh get uh Sue's supplements if you're in Canada and you're interested, and uh also where you can join her Facebook group and um uh and and and get some support there as well. So don't do this alone if you're out there and you're and you're struggling. There's there's definitely help out there. So um, well, Sue, I appreciate you being here. Thank you so much for doing this. And um thank you everyone for watching. And we will see you next time on Women Like Me Stories and Business. Bye, everybody. See ya.