Women Like Me Stories & Business

Angela Legh: Keep Calm, Carry On, Then Cry In The Garden

• Julie Fairhurst • Episode 171

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What if resilience isn’t about being tough, but learning how to let feelings move through you? That question sits at the center of our conversation with Angela Lee, author, teacher, and guide for families seeking emotional clarity and confidence. 

Angela opens up about losing her home to wildfire twice, spending 32 years in a toxic marriage, and the courageous choices that followed. Through those experiences, she discovered that material things can be replaced, but our relationships with others and with ourselves shape everything.

We dig into the real difference between emotional intelligence and emotional resilience. Angela shares her simple Feel, Name, Allow method and the science behind it: emotions follow a 90‑second biochemical wave, but our minds keep us looping in the story. 

We also explore cultural scripts that teach repression, “keep calm,” “be a man,” “don’t cry”, and how they disconnect kids and adults from their inner world. Angela explains why she writes fairy tales for middle-grade readers, offers parents and teachers practical tools to build emotional safety, and discusses rebuilding her identity after leaving her marriage. 

Her message to anyone still walking on eggshells is firm and compassionate: choose yourself, seek support, and step toward the light. The legacy she wants to leave is simple and profound: every child knowing they are magic, found in gratitude, presence, and love.

If this resonates, follow the show, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help more listeners find these tools. Your story matters—and the next ninety seconds can change everything.

Here are a few ways to reach out to Angela:

Access articles and Children's Lives Matter episodes:  https://angelalegh.com/parenting-resource-center

Access the Bella Santini Chronicles series: https://angelalegh.com/middle-grade-book-series 

Website: https://bellasantini.com   

Magazine:

https://thelosangelestribunemagazine.com/articles/author/alegh/

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Who Is Julie Fairhurst?

Speaker • Author • Business Strategist • Founder of Women Like Me

Julie Fairhurst is a force of nature disguised as a woman with a pen and a business brain built for impact. As the founder of the Women Like Me Book Program, she has opened the door for women around the world to share their truth, heal their past, and rise into their power. Since 2019, she has published more than 30 books and over 350 true-life stories — without charging a single writer a dime! Why? Because women’s stories deserve daylight, not gatekeeping.

With 34 years in sales, marketing, and successful business leadership, Julie knows how to turn storytelling into influence and influence into income.

Her mission is clear and unapologetic: break generational trauma one story at a time and help women elevate both emotionally and financially. She doesn’t just publish books, she builds brands, confidence, and possibility, giving women the tools to rewrite their futures, grow their businesses, and lift their families with them.


Julie's Website




SPEAKER_01:

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Women Like Me Stories in Business. I have a very interesting lady here, and I can't wait to dive into our conversation. But let me tell you just a little bit about her before we get started. So, Angela Lee is a beacon for families seeking emotional clarity and confidence. Through her books, teachings, and heartfelt guidance, she empowers children and adults to understand their emotions, navigate life storms, and grow stronger together. Her work turns emotional resilience into an everyday superpower. I loved everyday superpowers. Hi, Angela. Hello. Hi, thank you for being here. I appreciate it so much. Did you want to tell just uh tell us a little bit more about yourself?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, sure. I have um been through a lot, which is why I understand emotional um processing so much. I lived through a wildfire when I was a kid, and when I was five years old, um my family lost everything, and I was sent to live with some strangers for a while. So that was traumatic for belittle me, and then when I was 54 years old, I lost my house to another wildfire, and that was traumatic for me.

SPEAKER_01:

So wow, yeah, yeah, that is very traumatic. Yeah, yeah, wow, twice, twice in one lifetime. That shouldn't happen. No. Oh can you can you just give us a bit of a overview of what is emotional resilience?

SPEAKER_02:

You know, so a lot of people understand what emotional intelligence is. Emotional intelligence is understanding your emotions, where they come from, what and how to deal with them. But what emotional intelligence promotes is to regulate and manage emotions. Emotional resilience is a step beyond that, because what we teach in in my method of emotional resilience is how to process emotions. And for me, the difference is because emotions are energy, and energy must flow. So if we uh push it down and and repress emotions, we create all kinds of troubles for ourselves and the people around us.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that makes so much sense. Wow, yeah. Can you tell us you so uh from my research, you had a tough go as a child. Obviously, you just mentioned something extremely dramatic that you had to deal with, but you also um mentioned a little some bullying, um being scared, feeling small. What part of that little girl still lives in you today, or or does any part of it? She's very active.

SPEAKER_02:

Um yeah, she likes candies. Right.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So that was like the basis for what I do in teaching families how to deal with emotions because my father was a raging alcoholic, and rage was the active word in his behavior. Um, it wasn't until I was an adult and I was talking to my aunt, she said, Oh, you know, Jimmy was such a sensitive child. And I was like, what? Yeah, you know, that guy who was a monster in my house was a sensitive guy. But then I it like all connected in my mind that he chose to drink to numb the feelings that he didn't want to feel. Those feelings came from him being a sensitive child in 1925, a boy, not acceptable, no, not accepted, and so it's like this whole generational trauma thing that I had to figure out how to deal with.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow, wow, that's that's um, yeah, that's tough. And you're you're you're so right because that generation you didn't talk about your feelings, and especially if you were male.

SPEAKER_02:

And even you know, when I was growing up, boys were told not to cry. Don't cry. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

What are you? A girl.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly. Yeah, be a man for God's sake.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It's um very traumatic for children to be told to devalue and disengage from their emotions.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, wow, so true. Tell I'm just curious about the two fires that that you lived through. Um, what did they teach you, or did they teach you anything at all? How did they help you in your resilience?

SPEAKER_02:

I in the long run, yes, they both did help me in my resilience. The first one really didn't teach me anything of value. I was four or five years old.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So how could I truly process any wisdom out of that?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, the second one taught me that it is only the relationships in life that truly matter, that material things are replaced, even if they're antiques, even if they're mementos, it doesn't matter, they're replaceable. And the the relationships, so the quality of the relationships you accept into your life.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, wow. I I mean what a great lesson. Yeah, not great to have to go through that to learn it, but but it it's um, you know, it's actually humbling to hear you say it because you know, I've never lost anything in a fire, thank, you know, knock on wood. And yeah, and um, but to hear that and that you went through that and twice lost everything, but but you realize what was really important is it's yeah, it's a beautiful lesson for other people.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, other people, not for you.

SPEAKER_02:

But yeah, actually, it what the second fire was the catalyst for me, um, because I looked at my life. I was 54 years old, I was in an unhappy, toxic marriage, and I looked at my life and I said, Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? And it was I heard no. So I immediately made several changes, including um retiring from my government job, leaving my marriage, and then I moved to England just because it's so wet there, they don't have wild breath. It's true, and they speak English. Yes, they do. Plus, it was a great um, it gave me great insights because as a society, England is very emotionally repressed, they're taught, we don't let people see what we feel. Keep a stip upper lip, keep calm and carry on. It's like part of the lexicon. And one day I was teaching a meditation class, doing a guided meditation of um feeling the joy from childhood. So, you know, remember when you were a child and you were playing with your friends, you were running through the fields, maybe you were swinging on the swings, maybe you did this. And remember that feeling of joy and happiness and feel it bubbling up inside you. And one man sat straight up and he said, I don't know how to feel. I'm like, Oh, oh, of course.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh let me help you. Yeah, oh, but wow, what a realization for him. Yeah, and brave to speak up like that, not just to absolutely pretend that he was doing it, but to actually speak up.

SPEAKER_02:

To say, yeah, to bring um word to really it's a whole societal problem, yeah. Of being because when you cannot access your feelings, you're disconnected from yourself.

SPEAKER_01:

So, what about um uh this side of the ocean? What about over here? I'm in Canada, you're in the US, right? I'm in, yeah, Taos, New Mexico. Yeah. So um, so what about us North Americans?

SPEAKER_02:

You know, it it depends on what part of North America you live in. It depends like New England is fairly repressed, and California is more open, but it depends on the family environment where were emotions accepted or not. And it depends on the gender because for men, pretty much the only acceptable emotion is happiness or anger, and that's it.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Wow, yeah. No, you you're right. I remember I can think about that with my father and my stepfather years and years ago. Those were the emotions. Yeah, absolutely. That's what that's what they showed. So how do you explain um so how do you live in a marriage and still keep your resilience up when you're not happy or if it's abusive? What do people do? How do they how do you keep that resilience going?

SPEAKER_02:

It's not there, really. The resilience is not, because in my experience, I swallowed my truth. I did anything to keep the peace, which meant not speaking my truth, not speaking what I felt. And there's no resilience in that. By the time I was married for 32 years in that marriage, by the time I finally pulled the plug on it, I didn't even know who I was. I couldn't say what I wanted because I was so disconnected from who I was.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

So you had to build yourself from scratch. I did.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Still an ongoing process.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I think we are until we're no longer here. I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So what do you think? What was the first moment in your um in the emotional abuse in your marriage when you realize this isn't love?

SPEAKER_02:

You know, I don't know that I can even pin it back to a first moment. Um, there were times when um I was abused emotionally for for um stepping up for our children. There were times when I was abused for disagreeing with him. Um basically in that marriage, I was at fault for everything. And it's um it slowly eats away at at your self-esteem and at your understanding of who you are when you allow yourself to accept that for as long as I did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So when what helped you to finally speak up? If was it that second fire? Was that just the almost like the universe saying, here you go, clean slate?

SPEAKER_02:

Like knock me on the head. We've we've been calling you, you're not answering.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, eventually they get our attention.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly. Yeah. And and truly, what that wildfire did um is the Tubbs wildfire in the wine country of California. Um, what it did was cause me to go into a dark night of the soul where I was questioning my existence, my choices, everything. And if that didn't happen, I wouldn't be where I am now. And now I have a very supportive and um truly unconditional love marriage. Yeah, I can't tell you how good it is.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. I think there's I think that you know, a lot of us face that. You know, we have that, it's like, are you gonna pivot? Are you gonna what are you gonna do? And and um and it's hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard to go up there and do that.

SPEAKER_02:

When you have put someone else's needs in front of your own for 32 years, it's really hard to take that step and say, I'm going to choose my needs now.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So I uh so you there was probably no emotion for you by the end.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I had a lot of emotion. It's um yeah, the the emotional repression in my life started when I was a child. Um, my father was very angry, and I wasn't going to be like him. So I think I was three or four when I decided I can't get angry. And you know, that led me that emotional repression decision led me to make some of the choices in my life, including marrying my former husband. Yeah. Um, it led me to accept the behavior that I accepted. And I'm not saying that it's the fault of you know what some people would call the victim in a toxic relationship, but there's two people involved, and it can't be all on the one person. No, there is there is something in what your choices are, what you're accepting that is causing you to be continue in that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

What do you think was your biggest emotional lie that you had to let go of?

SPEAKER_02:

That I wasn't worthy of love.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, making me teary eye now. Oh and so many people believe so women. Well, men too. Men too.

SPEAKER_02:

It's the biggest lie that any parent gives their child. It's like, oh my god, how can how can you do that to a child?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. Oh that was that's yeah, yeah. I appreciate you being open like that. Yeah, that was a mic drop. Yes, thank you. Yeah, so what does uh resilience look like on the messy, exhausted days for people or for yourself?

SPEAKER_02:

And this is interesting because people think resilience is strength, resilience is the ability to bend. So it means that yesterday, when my website was hacked and I was having to be knee deep in code, which I am not a coder, and I'm trying to figure out how to get into my website, and I reach the point where I'm just like yeah, and I just want to you know go outside and cry, and I do because that's me allowing my emotions to flow, but I have the tools to know how to allow what people call a negative emotion. To me, it's just a difficult emotion to allow that without having to go into a deep rabbit hole of pain. And that's one of the things that I teach kids in my fairy tales is uh an emotional processing tool that I call the feel-in-free method. You feel the feeling, you name it, and then you give yourself permission to feel it. So you allow it. Feel, name, allow. Very simple. And the the underlying science behind it is that the biochemistry of an emotion is 90 seconds. Oh, I know. It's like, wait, why did I feel like that for an hour? Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you why. It's because our minds circle on the circumstances, our minds will replay the circumstances over and over, and that is why we go into the rabbit hole. But with the feel and free method, you're focusing on the feeling instead of the circumstances. So your mind is already engaged, yes, and then the feeling has the freedom to move, it moves in 90 seconds, and you're done until your mind returns to the circumstances.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. That makes complete sense. So what were those three things again?

SPEAKER_02:

So feel, name, allow.

SPEAKER_01:

Feel, lame, name, allow.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And the reason why name is in there is because you're acknowledging to your body, to yourself, that yes, I'm feeling this.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And then when you allow, yes, it's understandable why I feel this way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So you you were so you were an author, which we didn't mention in the beginning. Um, and so you've got some books out there, and you also uh help you teach or help parents. Yeah, I do. Parenting. So let's talk a little bit about that. How did you how did that evolve into your life?

SPEAKER_02:

So it all started with me writing these really sweet fairy tales. They're they're written for middle grade kids, so eight, nine to twelve. Um at that time of their life, they're going through so much in physical and emotional development that they really need the extra help. Um and when I was done writing, I realized that even if the kids got an understanding of all the things that I'm teaching in the books, if they're raised in an environment where they're not supported, then they can't truly become you know who they're meant to be without having to go through all the things that I went through in order to heal myself.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So the idea um in teaching parents, because I know my generation never learned how to process emotions. My kids' generation did not learn how to process emotions, and so it's like, well, let's give the parents the tools so that they can provide the environment of emotional safety for their kids.

SPEAKER_01:

And so do you do this one-on-one or is this group group uh teaching? How do you how do you go about that?

SPEAKER_02:

My my main um outlet is through writing. So my blog on my website, angelae.com. Um, I should spell it because it is spelled weird.com. Yeah. And forgive the uh the bug that's on it right now. Yes. You'll get rid of it. I'll get it, I'll fix it. Yeah. Um, so my blog gives parents a lot of information about how to create emotional safety, why emotional safety is important, why emotional resilience is important, and the difference between emotional intelligence and emotional resilience. And then there's a whole bunch of blog posts for teachers because when a child is raised in an environment where there's no emotional safety, the only place they can get it is in the classroom.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. And so to have you, so I I saw the fairy tale book, so I I I I knew you did that. But do you so do you actually have books available that parents can go and purchase that to read, or is it just more blogs?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I have articles in the Los Angeles Tribune. I have a column in the Los Angeles Tribune called Unfiltered Parenting.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_02:

And I also have an unfiltered parenting television show on Binge Networks that teaches all the same things.

SPEAKER_01:

So and so how does somebody find that that television show that you're on that you're hosting?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, if you go to binge tv.com, you can sign up, subscribe to binge TV, and they they have a whole range of shows beside mine. Oh yeah. And um my show is on the Trailblazer Network. So once you sign up as a subscriber to Binge TV, then you have to find the Trailblazer Network, and then you'll find my show. Uh and is there a link on your website to that? You know, not yet, but I should add it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Well, well, just so everybody knows that we'll have as much information as we can in the show notes for you so that you'll be able to uh find Angela, uh be able to get onto her website and and read her articles or or look at the books, uh um, or hopefully we can track her down and find her and and and watch her show. I'm definitely gonna connect up because I I didn't even know what binge TV was. I I asked that before we before we started recording.

SPEAKER_02:

So well, and on my website, Angela Lee.com, on the parenting resource page is I think there's 32 episodes, uh, full hour-long episodes of a TV show that I previously did called Children's Lives Matter. So that's a good place to start.

SPEAKER_01:

That is a good place to start. Absolutely, absolutely. We'll make sure that that uh we note that in the show notes for sure. So I want to ask for women that are listening right now who may still be inside their trauma, maybe they're too afraid to speak up, they're quiet. What's your message to them?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, first off, I understand the being afraid to speak up because when you walk on eggshells, the slightest thing can set someone off. I really understand what you're going through. And it's really important for you to choose yourself because you were made by God. You were made in this world to be a beacon of light, and you cannot be the light that you are when someone else is trying to squash your light. There's all there's help out there in your community. Access the help, get the help you need, and and get out.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you. So, one last question. What's a legacy that you hope to leave through your books, your show, and your voice?

SPEAKER_02:

I think the biggest legacy I would love to leave is for every kid to understand that they are magic. That the magic that they have is in their gratitude, in their presence, in the love that they have. And you don't need a wand, you don't need a spell, you just need to choose the state of gratitude or choose a state of presence, and that's where the magic is.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's beautiful. Oh, Angela, I loved our conversation. We had some highs, we had some lows, but it was oh yeah. But it was it was great. It was great. And I I I really do appreciate you coming on and and um sharing sharing what you know and what you've learned over the years with others. And and uh, you know, there's always I always say, you know, for me even, I learn from all of you. Every time I get to speak to somebody, I've had little aha, even with you. I've gone, oh yeah, that's a little aha in my head. And uh yeah, and I don't need to have my house burned down to listen. So yeah, yeah, it's um so I do appreciate that. And as I say, everyone, we will have links to the website. Uh, we'll do put all the links we can in there so that you're able to uh track her down um and uh and uh reach out to Angela or you find her resources anyway, because it sounds like she's got a lot of reveal available resources to help to help people in lots of different ways. Any last words, Angela?

SPEAKER_02:

You know, a lot of people tend to beat themselves up when they maybe didn't have the opportunity to learn something. And I one of the last words I almost always do is give yourself grace. Because even if you didn't know this before, you know it now. Yeah, you can step forward from here and truly tap into the magic of life.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow, beautiful. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate it so much. Well, everyone, that's the end of this episode of Women Like Me Stories in Business. Thank you so much for being here. And uh, we will see you again next time. Take care, everybody. Bye bye.