Women Like Me Stories & Business

Missing From Me: Heather Shtuka Living with the Unknown After Ryan’s Disappearance

• Julie Fairhurst • Episode 143

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What happens when your entire world collapses in just four sentences? For Heather Shtuka, that moment came through a text message revealing her son Ryan hadn't returned from a house party. In this profoundly moving conversation, Heather shares her journey through what experts call "ambiguous loss" – the unique pain of grief without closure.

Heather takes us through the immediate aftermath of Ryan's disappearance in Sun Peaks, British Columbia, and the unexpected challenges that followed. When professional search teams departed after just one day, she and her husband, Scott, found themselves becoming impromptu search coordinators with no prior experience. This crash course in advocacy became the foundation for something remarkable: a way to help other families navigate the unimaginable.

The conversation explores Heather's memoir "Missing From Me," written in real-time during those early months of searching, providing raw insight into a parent's experience of ambiguous loss. Her words capture not just the pain but also surprising moments of beauty, purpose, and resilience that are discovered along the way. Perhaps most inspirational is how Heather transformed her grief into the Free Bird Project, a nonprofit supporting families of missing loved ones with practical resources and emotional guidance.

What began as a simple reference to Ryan's childhood love of dinosaurs has evolved into a global movement, with thousands of 3D-printed dinosaurs travelling the world, each bearing a QR code that shares his story and encourages acts of kindness. Through this creative legacy, Ryan's presence continues to inspire positive change, proving that love truly refuses to be silent.

Whether you've experienced profound loss or simply need reassurance that strength can emerge from our darkest moments, Heather's perspective will stay with you long after listening. Her powerful reminder that "you can do hard things" serves as both comfort and challenge to all of us facing life's most difficult circumstances.

https://www.ryanshtuka.com

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Who is Julie Fairhurst?
Julie Fairhurst – Speaker, Author, and Founder of Women Like Me

Julie Fairhurst is a champion for women’s empowerment and the founder of the Women Like Me Book Program. Since 2019, she has published 30 books and 300+ true-life stories—at no cost to the writers—giving women a platform to heal, inspire, and reclaim their power. Dedicated to breaking generational trauma one story at a time, Julie’s mission is to uplift women emotionally and financially, helping them create better lives for themselves and their families.


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Speaker 1:

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Women Like Me Stories and Business Today. I'm honored to welcome Heather. Now, I didn't I should have asked you about pronouncing your last name, stuka, stuka, stuka. Okay, so I'm honored to welcome Heather Stuka to the podcast. She's a remarkable woman and she has been dealing with some unimaginable heartbreak, but she's been able to turn it into powerful purpose.

Speaker 1:

In 2019, heather's son, ryan, went missing after leaving a house party in Sun Peaks, british Columbia. What followed was a journey that no parent should ever have to walk, a journey marked by deep grief, relentless searching and, ultimately, a newfound mission to help others. Heather is the author of Missing From Me, a beautifully written memoir that captures the emotional and practical challenges of ambiguous loss. She's also the co-founder of a non-profit that supports families of missing loved ones, and she is currently working on a children's book to help young readers understand loss and resilience. Heather's story is one of strength, advocacy, love and the kind of love that refuses to be silent. I know you'll be deeply moved by what she shares with us today, so thank you so much, heather, for being here. I appreciate it. Heather and I met at an author fair. Heather was in Chilliwack, british Columbia, and we met there and I invited her to be on the podcast and she, graciously, is here with us today. So thank you, heather, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Heather, let's begin by talking about Ryan. Can you share a little bit about him, his personality, his dreams, what you cherished most about him?

Speaker 2:

Well, I think, as a mother, you probably cherish everything, all the ugly, bumps and bruises that go along the way I think I struggle with. Of all the questions I get asked and I keep saying it over and over again this is the most difficult one to answer, because how do you effectively, you know, describe somebody that means the world to you in a way that other people can appreciate and have a deeper breadth of understanding of that love? And they're just adjectives that you use to describe anyone and and I don't know how much meaning that they they necessarily have behind them, know how much meaning that they they necessarily have behind them. But I will tell you that you know, of course, um, you know Ryan was deeply loved, um, by by his friends and his family, mostly by his sisters, when he wasn't teasing them, uh, but you know he was, he was very smart, uh, he was athletic, um, he loved anything to do with running sports, he was a huge hockey fan and you know he was kind and he was loyal and he was loved and he's still incredibly loved and missed by his friends.

Speaker 2:

You know really tight knit group of people that he surrounded himself with. You know he was sarcastic, yeah, all of those things. And so you know, his teenage years were were, you know, really I didn't, we we've never knock on wood never had really any issues with our children. They had a deep respect and love for my husband, scott, and I, and he was just, he was just a brilliant man, young man that you know really should be here living his life in the way that he wants to live it, and unfortunately that did not come to pass. But just, I don't know much more about how he described it.

Speaker 1:

There's many other words that could you know, like handsome.

Speaker 2:

Of course he would love it probably if I did not forget to mention that he was incredibly handsome. Yes, of course.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think you did well. Thank you for that. So the day he went missing changed everything. Can you walk us through that moment?

Speaker 2:

You know, I think. I think when they go through something traumatic, however that looks for them, you know, you always remember the before and then the after, and everything is that, that intersection of of those two poignant moments. When it happens, our life was so ordinary up until that time. You know nothing really out of anything else than you know we've had some great gifts and some great things in our life, and then there's some things that have been less than stellar, but I would have said up until that time that our life was very ordinary.

Speaker 2:

So that particular day we were out at Ringette for my oldest daughter, jordan. She played in a tournament, and so we were going back and forth from the the rink as I'm sure most parents can understand it anytime their child's in a sport and tournaments take place on weekends. So we didn't get home until late at night and I think I was texting back and forth with my friend who wasn't able to attend the tournament to the day to watch her daughter, so I was just sort of giving her update and then I got this notification across my phone that came from Ryan's friend that he was up in some peaks with. And so you know, jimmy James his name was James, but we always called him Jimmy, james. And so I just received a text and you know what, to be honest, I didn't really. It didn't flag, it didn't flag anything at all for me as being something that I needed to look at. And so I did take a couple of extra minutes to finish my conversation before I peaked and, honestly, at that time I thought that James was going to say something like oh, you know, look what you're what Ryan got into, or you know, look that he did this video, or him snowboarding, or something along that line, something very, you know, very innocent and and nothing. I did not think of anything else.

Speaker 2:

And so when I got the notification and I opened it up and finally read it, that's when your, your whole world, shatters in just one second. Four sentences changes, changes everything, changes your trajectory, and it was like you know, hey, ryan didn't come home last night. We went to party, didn't come home last night, never showed up for work. We've, you know, we got in touch with the police and you should be hearing from them shortly. And I, I just think you know how do you, how do you deliver that into one, one concise sort of text message and and relay all the things that you needed to. And so we, you know, I remember trying to read it to Scott, as I'm reading it myself and then saying it out loud and I'm skipping over words and I'm, and Scott's like I don't, heather, I don't know what you're saying, can you repeat it?

Speaker 2:

And I'm like for the life of me I'll never be able to repeat that again. You know, your life is shattered, I don't know how to say that to you. And so he read it and immediately got onto the phone with the RCMP, our local law enforcement, up in Kamloops, to find out. And that's when we got some details, but not I don't think it took us weeks before. I think I could even piece together all the details of what happened to Ryan that evening.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, wow, you speak about ambiguous loss, so for people that are unfamiliar with that term, what do you mean by that?

Speaker 2:

with that term. What do you mean by that? You know, and it's not even loss of a child or a relationship that has gone missing. It actually just means that separation, of that, there's no closure. So it could mean you know a family member or a loved one, friend something, an acquaintance, any connection, where that person has gone away and there is no connection anymore and you're not quite sure.

Speaker 2:

Some people grieve it or they don't know how to grieve it. Um, you could have a child that, um, you know, has fallen into sort of that vulnerable lifestyle and that you don't have communication with them and you don't know where they are. Or you could have unresolved um issues with a parent or a child that there is a disconnect in your relationship and you don't, you can't quite grieve it because they're, they're not quite gone. And so for us, we, we don't know if Ryan's physically gone from this world, all indications would say that. But you can't move on to the next part of grieving without having that sort of understanding of whether that person's still here or not. And that's a lot like if you have a loved one or something they're away from you, they're still here, but there's no connect and there's that loss of that, and how do you properly grieve that?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, wow, wow, your book. What inspired you to write? Missing From Me.

Speaker 2:

I didn't start off that way. Certainly, when I went up to Sun Peaks, we had to travel from Beaumont, alberta, which is about nine and a half hours away from Sun Peaks, british Columbia, and that's what we decided to do the moment we received the notification, as we drove up and because I was recovering from an injury, I ruptured my Achilles tendon and so I was very I wasn't just started weight bearing and and so I couldn't go out and search. And, as a, as a parent, you're sitting there going. Am I giving enough, Am I doing enough to do all the things I can to bring my son home? And Scott was out, you know, searching and physically doing something, and I was not sure I, like my job was important. I was at the command center, I was thanking everybody when they came through, I was, you know, having conversations, I was doing the media, that sort of thing. But you know, I I kept getting notifications from people saying like, have you heard? Have you heard? And so I just decided to write a post and it and for me it was just talking about him, more than just a name. It was to get people to connect with him, to understand how much you know his, his, his being gone, uh, was affecting us and what we needed from people in order to bring him home. And it, you know it was cathartic.

Speaker 2:

It was, um, this experience where I could lay out, and so, over the four and a half months that we lived up in Sun Peaks because we didn't go home, most people would be surprised to know that, you know, you'll get a certain amount of search and rescue or somebody will be there for a certain amount of time. That time is dependent on the situation, circumstances, that sort of thing, and it's not very transparent. So I wish I could tell you that there's, you know, x, y and Z had to be done, and that's the same case for everybody but it's very different. So we had one day of searching of actual physical. They came back again, but one concentrated effort the very first day and then everybody went home and so then we're not left the next day going. What do we need to do? Because we're not going to have it found him.

Speaker 2:

And I think that was the first part of understanding the gravity of the situation. That went beyond Ryan being missing, like that tragic that already happens. We had to sort of put that grief away and then become search and rescue experts, of which we had no experience at all. Right, so you're, you're really trying to learn on the go, and being able to write was very cathartic for me. And so that began that journey where I kept writing and and then I think missing for me is a unique perspective because, because I wrote in real time, the basis of the book is those almost like a journal or diary entry where I'm telling you and so as you're reading it, you are reading firsthand what I'm experiencing, not my recollections of how I think that day went or whatever.

Speaker 2:

It's me talking about some of the search efforts that went into it that the connection between Scott and I and how our relationship was was faring during. During this it was just the two of us or our daughters would come up, or those relationships and memories about Ryan, us as a family, that sort of thing. And it was this beautiful experience and it made me appreciate my son and be able to talk about him in a very real and intentional way. And so the book became an extension of that being able to talk about our little bit of an ordinary life beforehand and then talking about our experiences while searching for him, and then what happens when we had to make that difficult choice to come home, and so it only encompasses really just the first year, but it allows people a sneak peek into what happens in a situation that you're you have no control over.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, wow. You say that you recognize something powerful through all of that, and then you said I can do the hard things. Do you want to just tell us a little bit about what you mean by that you?

Speaker 2:

know if you had asked me seven and a half it'll be seven and a half years If you'd asked me seven and a half years, what my reaction would be. If you told me any one of my children would have something happen to them, I would have told you I would have been curled up. I knew, like within the very heart of soul of me, what my reaction. I would have said to you with certainty that I would have been on the floor in the fetal position, unable to to get up and do anything. You know, my love for my children is so incredibly profound and deep. I couldn't imagine being able to do those things. And yet, when we're in the situation and there's nobody there, I couldn't crumble, and neither could Scott, neither one of us could, and so we braced ourselves together and we became this foundation of love and support within one another. But also to do the things that we need to do.

Speaker 2:

The hard things like searching, and so some of those included like having to go and tell volunteers what they were looking for and I am describing my son, and so you're you're either going to find a body in the snow that is no longer living, and as time went on and the snow began to melt and the weather, the temperatures began to change. Then you're starting to tell people well, you're not going to find him in this pristine sort of frozen condition, that you know degradation is going to happen. And to be able to tell people towards them that you're looking for bones and the bones aren't probably going to be white because they're not going to be bleached by the sun, that they're going to be dark and muddy color and you might find this. Or when people are digging, how do I know if I found a body? And you're having to have real, logical conversations with people and still maintain that emotion and that heart. And that was the first of that, those difficult conversations that we had to have.

Speaker 2:

And then afterwards, how to? How to approach life when you can't control the things that are happening. I couldn't control that the search and rescue had gone home. I couldn't control how the RCMP were going to investigate or look at this case or what status they would give. I couldn't do the investigations myself, Like those are things I cannot control. What I could control was searching. What I could control was advocating and those are hard things putting your, your heart and soul into words.

Speaker 2:

And then, even after coming home, how do you, how do you absorb all of this trauma? And then, on top of that, the further, the further trauma of having people you know send the most obscene and cruel messages to you and still show up and be the kind of parent I want to be to my two daughters, to be the kind of wife that I had hoped to be and want to be and continue to want to be to my partner. How do I be a friend and a daughter? And how do like all those things? So those were things that you had to learn how to do.

Speaker 2:

And then, after that, how do you go back to work? And that COVID changed that, and so I went back to school and started a new career and wrote a book and then wrote a, started a nonprofit. Those are all things that I didn't know that I could have had. But the resilience and the strength that you come and then wrote a, started a nonprofit, those are all things that I didn't know that I could have had. But the resilience and the strength that you come and you find is is even amazing to me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I find that cause I've, I've, I've got 353 true life stories with with about 180 women. So I've heard some, some stories and I find that most of us have that strength there. We don't know that it's there, but it's like you know, do or die, do or, or, like you say, crawl up in the fetal position and just stay there.

Speaker 2:

And and and there's. No, I never want to suggest that there's a certain way to do things. No of course, and I don't mean to say that the people that are curled up in the fetal position are unable to do things because grief is so heavy for them that they're not strong, that they're not resilient.

Speaker 2:

It's how we cope with that pain and find direction, moving forward, and I don't know if there's a right or wrong way. Most people in my situation don't know that they have to advocate right, yes, and so the huge learning curves. And if you don't have support and network from the people around you. It's great to say that I'll be able to stand on my own, but if you have nobody else there supporting you on the days that you can't stand then it's not going to happen for a long time right?

Speaker 1:

Yes, yeah, for sure, able to help others. So your story is going to help other parents who are going through something inimaginable as well.

Speaker 2:

Just by you know, I mean that I always thought there's. No, you can't I struggle with when people say to me um, you know, everything happens for a reason. Yeah, that's great, it's very positive, like if I won the lottery and I really needed it. Like you know, everything happens for a reason, that's great when it's very positive, like if I won the lottery and I really needed it. Like you know, everything happens for a reason, that's great. But it's, you know, like karma and stuff. It always goes where. It's like it's great when it's going well, but when it's negative, you're like okay, karma, what did I do that was so awful? What did my son do? That was so awful that we would find ourselves in this situation. And I always dislike when people say there's a reason for everything. There isn't. Sometimes it's inexplicable why certain things happen to people and it doesn't happen to others. But I will say that throughout this whole thing, I found a purpose.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and for me it was that legacy for Ryan, because he lived almost 21 years. He contributed to this world in such a brilliant and startling and amazing way and and really, you know, he was my first unconditional love, like he was really. You know, he was my first unconditional love, like he was, you know, and and so there has to be more than remembering one night of whatever happened to him, like he was more than that. And I think that if if we didn't look for the strength, resilience and the silver linings through all of this, then his life would be not the gift that it was to us, and I refuse to let anybody say that he was not a gift. He was and he continues to, and he continues to influence and have this impact on the world, whether you knew him or not, in his absence, and I think that's an amazing thing. It is amazing, Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

You mentioned that you've started or maybe I mentioned that you started a non-profit. Do you want to tell us a little bit about what that's about?

Speaker 2:

yeah, you know what we met in the very first days. Uh, we met this beautiful family, um tammy neuron and kate sinclair um, who are the other co-founders of this group, along with my friend uh Coco Volvo. But they had experienced the same sort of the disappearance of their brother and he was eventually found 10 months later. His was a plane crash and they were able to locate his body 10 months after he had gone missing. But they had an extensive amount of remote searching, of aerial searching and working with search and rescue in the same sort of not necessarily the same area, but the same interior of BC. And so they reached out to us to provide some sort of practical information, like some starting points, and when this all happened, understandably, anybody would be overwhelmed. There's this desperation, this incredible sense of urgency. We've got to find them now. The moments are ticking by and we're running out of time. And then you're overwhelmed with the amount of notifications or people reaching out to you, some with great intentions, some without. And so have you thought of mediums, have you thought of intuitive people? Have you thought of a private investigator where people will go on to speculate on your page, saying all the worst things that they think that will happen, and if they don't get the response there, then they'll message you or email you. And I just wanting to and I don't know if they think they're being helpful, but it's just unnecessarily cruel. What steps do you ask? How do you? And when everybody goes home, what do you need to do? And I and I and I'm so thankful for them to provide some guidance and support.

Speaker 2:

And our journey was a little bit different because we did more ground searching. But when we got together after coming home, we felt that there was a opportunity to help other families, because our family members were not the only ones to have someone go missing and we certainly won't be the last. So how do we help other people navigate through similar circumstances? And so we thought we could provide resources and support. We could offer ground support. We could set up help, set up command centers. We could have forms and templates so that you could use it if you need a missing person posters.

Speaker 2:

How to set up a missing person Facebook site. What sort of things could you do if you're being inundated with requests from outside people? How do you handle that with grace so that you can have that peace in yourself where you can do what you can, but but you're also protecting yourself. You're putting up some boundaries, which we did not do for the first year. For sure Anybody would say something like Scott, you need to go, look here. Somebody told me, you know, because you're you're afraid of missing something yes, of course notes don't left unturned.

Speaker 2:

But as time went by, you understood the intention behind some and and who you could count on, and so we just wanted to to help other families.

Speaker 1:

Yeah what is it? What is it called? It's called the free bird project. I'm sorry, could you say that again? Yeah, it's the free bird project okay, just writing that down.

Speaker 2:

We always say we have. Our logo is free as a bird. It's a Leonard Skinner song, so and it was, and it actually is a nod to Dominic Neron, the brother that went missing. You know huge and he was a pilot and so it made sense for them to, and you know what it is. It works really well. Well with our scenario as well.

Speaker 1:

I think it's just such a beautiful thing that you got together and put together because, you know, as you're talking I'm thinking to myself I wouldn't know how to do any of those things, I would be lost, and so to know that there's someone who unfortunately has been through it. But they put all of those puzzle pieces in place so that you don't have to try to figure that out on your own and I guess you can sort of get up and running quite quickly because what you need is there.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and there's no formula. I wish I could tell you if you do this and this and this, certainly, our Facebook site for Ryan. We have actually over 71,000 people that follow, you know, so there's an entirely passionate, engaged group of support members that are there. You know, we've had, really, because it was created organically this dinosaur, which I referred to my very first post about something that Ryan loved as a child, has now sort of exploded, and this 3d dinosaur that has the find Ryan Stuka hashtag on it as long as well as a.

Speaker 1:

Oops Me and my yes me and my sorry, I've got a green screen here, but and he's green.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

There he is. He does have a head folks he's trying to get him in the middle.

Speaker 2:

There we go, and he's got so it and the. Qr allows us not to track one particular dinosaur, but it does like let us if someone scans it somewhere or leaves it somewhere and it gets picked up and gets it.

Speaker 1:

It does tell us where a dinosaur, not your dinosaur but yes, of course and so we've printed over 9 000 of them and we probably went to 86 countries and over, I think, 12 000 um sort of scans that we have had well, I'm sorry, I was just going to say I've been following the Facebook page and it's amazing how, where people are taking him and leaving him, and people are finding him, and it's just but it's not a formula, it's not a set formula.

Speaker 2:

If you do, if you write like me, which is very different, if you create a post every day, you don't need to do that. But that was my and everything was. It wasn't intentional, it wasn't like I knew coming in that you need to do X, y and Z, and if you do that, you get the sort of exposure that is needed, and every family should have that level of exposure, and I wish I could tell you to do these things that you will get it. I think you have to be very sincere in your intention. You, you, you really shouldn't be copying other people. You can, you can align yourself, uh, with them, but there's no specific formula and every journey is going to be different to the person that's going through it.

Speaker 2:

So the free birth project is not to sit there and go. You need to do this because if you don't right, then you're not going to.

Speaker 2:

A lot of these times it's um, it could be based on a tip, it could be, you know, based investigation procedures, or it could be none of those things and it's just dumb luck, right? There's no rhyme or reason by why some people get found and some people don't, in the circumstances that, uh, that surround that. So we try to meet people where they're, at. What do you need from us and and what makes sense to you? So some people will be very um against having um intuitive and and people that do that and and that's okay. It doesn't mean that that if you shy away from that approach, that that you will never find your missing loved one. It's just a different way to go about it, and some people are open to everything and other people are just like we can do things, but I'm not sure I want to go that road. Maybe somebody else will do it, maybe I'm not, and so we really just tried to to provide the support without judgment, without qualifying that you should do this and this and this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, absolutely, and I think you're I mean, you're spot on that the tools are there, if those are the tools that they want to use. Yeah yeah, yeah. So how has your definition of strength evolved?

Speaker 2:

You know, that's another funny thing, cause I remember growing up and, and maybe I don't, I don't want to say people in the seventies and eighties, but just just pretend for the moment that I'm 29. Okay so, but anyways, but, um, but I remember growing up and uh, being told you're too much, you're, I like you talk too much. And I do, I absolutely do, um, you, um. I like to say I'm, I'm dynamic, um, I used to say that I'm proactive, I'm aggressive, whatever but those are all.

Speaker 2:

They always seem a little bit bit. They're not nice, not necessarily nice.

Speaker 1:

So now I say I have a dynamic personality.

Speaker 2:

Not everybody's going to love it, and that's okay. Like, my magic is probably not for everybody, as the same as their magic might not be necessarily meant for me. But I just remember growing up and people kept saying to me like, or some people, you're too much, you talk too much. You talk, you're too expression with your hands, you, you, you're wanting this, or you're asking about this, or you're too curious or whatever. And I used to try to change myself because I thought, oh my God, if some of the world sees me that way, that must be how everybody sees me and that isn't good enough. It must not be good enough.

Speaker 2:

And then when we're missing, I think a lot of those extraneous things that you think about burn away to where you are at your core. And what I recognized is the things that people kept saying and and these are people that are not close to me, it's not like my best friend said it, it's not like my mother necessarily said it or anything like that, it was other people on the outside. It could have been like an in-law or something along that line, and I absorbed that. And then, when I found out, when I didn't think about that, when I had to think about something that was right in front of me. I realized that the skills and the things and the traits that I had that other people might not have liked, actually were important for where I was right now. So me talking so much was good for advocating me.

Speaker 2:

Being a dynamic, aggressive or or proactive personality meant that things got done, because I'm going to keep at you. I'm stubborn and you know I will use all the tools in my toolkit to make sure that my son is not forgotten, because anything less is not acceptable to me. So I leaned in on the things that people might necessarily not have loved about me. I don't care anymore. They're the things that I needed to do in order to do that and, like I said, maybe that sort of magic is not meant for you and it's not supposed to be.

Speaker 1:

And that's okay. Yeah, and that is okay. Well, I'm glad that you found it. And, yeah, it's um, sometimes we need strength and to and and just to realize, you know that the strength that you need, the strength you have, is the strength that you needed, right? Yeah?

Speaker 2:

and I I do believe that ryan, when he chose if you were to think about that, um, you know, ryan chose two of the most stubborn people in the world who will never give up, that will continue to search and to advocate for him and to keep those memories and his legacy alive. We will never give up until I'm dust and I am dirt right. No for sure.

Speaker 1:

Can you tell us about the children's books that you're working on, or book?

Speaker 2:

I'm not quite sure what you're up to, so the children's books that you're working on, or book, I'm not quite sure what you're up to. Oh well, I have. I have ideas floating around, but the the one children's book is in is in the publishing sort of phase, so we're just working on illustrations for it now. I'm hoping that all will be where it'll it'll be released. So I've sort of done teasers on on what it is and most of them I'm like can you guess what it would be about?

Speaker 2:

Given given some of the things we've talked about, it might not be so difficult. But it is a children's book and it is based on experiences the very first post that I did when Ryan went missing, when I talked about what he loved as a child and the game we used to play when he was a child, and I've sort of taken that concept and woven interactions with his family members throughout that to sort of create something that I think would be I love and I hope, and it's not necessarily about loss, it's just it's a good children's. It's a good children's book about a child that loves something, and I think it's an ode to to Ryan. And it's a very different writing experience than writing something that happened, right that's yes, yes, absolutely, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So, heather, what does life look like for you today, and how can we listeners be part of creating more compassion and support in the world?

Speaker 2:

Oh, you know what? I think the world is in short supply of kindness some days, right Like we, we've lost the ability to have meaningful discourses with one another, where we can have discussions and we learn. We feel the need to weigh in all the time, even if it doesn't affect us, and so we no longer will look, we see things black and white, and if you have one thought, you're on this side and you have on the other side, and I don't think life is is like that. I think that there's so many shades of gray and there's so many important opinions that could, could happen, um, and and should happen, and I, you know, my fear is that we, we've we've moved away from that um and uh. Outside influences, um, have made it very difficult for us to find middle ground.

Speaker 2:

And so I look at the legacy for Ryan, and when we talk about the QR code on the back of Ryan's dinosaur, it does talk about where he you know this brief story, but on the back it has this poem that one of my administrators, claudia Cooper, she wrote, and it talks about kindness and talks about if you want to leave the dinosaur, that's great. If you want to keep it on your journeys. That's great, but, you know, show love and kindness in your area and what I hope it does is that do I think Ryan is in the Russian Federation, one of the places that he is, or if he's in Norway or wherever the place is that he's been found. Do I think he's there? Most likely not, but maybe you can look around when you find the dinosaur. You look around in your community and see how can I help somebody Not necessarily somebody that's gone missing. Maybe you don't have anybody, but maybe there's a neighbor that needs a check-in, that needs shovel or their driveway shoveled, or they need a grocery pickup, or just a kind thought and hello, or being sincere like you look lovely today. I don't know you, but you look lovely, I love the smile, thank you, that sort of thing, and I think that when you start that movement, that the world just becomes a better place.

Speaker 2:

So I don't, I don't know what life looks like for me now. Is is really trying to find, to continue to look for those silver linings, to look for those challenges, and I've and I've always said that I will one day see Ryan again. I don't, I don't know what that looks like. Um, cause I I don't think I'm particularly religious, but I think I will meet him in some form or fashion, and I would hate to stand in front of Ryan and have him be disappointed in how I chose to continue on with my life.

Speaker 2:

I want to be the best version of myself. I also want to make him proud, and that doesn't mean that every single day I'm going to have the strength or I'm going to have that Pollyanna outlook or the optimism. Some days I will lie down, some days I can kneel and some days I can stand. However, no matter what stance you go through life, life still goes by. It's your view. It's just changed. So if I'm lying down, my view is a lot more expansive, and when I'm standing up, I get to see more forward facing, and so I try to stand a lot of those days, and I'm lucky to have the support of my friends and my immediate family to help me do that.

Speaker 2:

I also look at Ryan and go. It's not enough just to survive. I want to try to thrive and if I can continue on that legacy for him, that, um that is, I think he would have made his own legacy, and I don't know what that would have looked like. It certainly might not have been the same as mine, probably wouldn't have to do with the dinosaur, for sure. Um but um. But I do think that, uh, that he would be proud of the legacy of his name, that he would be proud of the legacy of his name.

Speaker 1:

That's beautiful, and yeah, yeah. Well, I don't want to end, but unfortunately our time is almost up. Heather, is there anything that you would like to say out there to? I mean?

Speaker 2:

anything at all that you'd like to say in closing. Well, I think again just back to that legacy piece. You know, look around in your community and see how you can make a difference. Whatever it is that you can do, just do it. And, you know, create your own legacy, whatever that looks like for you and hopefully, at the end of the day, that you will have made you. I don't think people recognize the impact that they make and I think we forget that. So I hope you can recognize that you've had a tremendous impact on the world around you, even if it's not necessarily said. You just being here in this world has had an impact on so many people and I wish people could just acknowledge that and celebrate that. So if I leave you with nothing else is that you can do hard things.

Speaker 1:

You can do hard things, whatever they are. Whatever they are. Thank you so much, heather. Thank you so much. It was very inspirational and I really do appreciate you coming on and talking to us about, about Ryan and um and everyone. Thank you for being here for another episode of women like me stories in business and we will see you again next time. Bye, everybody.

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