Women Like Me Stories & Business

Dancing With Imposter Syndrome

• Julie Fairhurst • Episode 117

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What happens when a 6-foot-tall Canadian woman travels to 60+ countries, falls in love with doctors across three continents, and develops the rare ability to authentically connect with anyone, anywhere? You get Jessica Brighton-Field—Europe's top female speaker of 2022 and a self-described "vulnerable, messy, and smelly" woman on a mission to help others embrace their authentic selves.

Jessica doesn't just talk about transformation—she's lived it. From narrowly escaping taxi scams in Costa Rica to discovering surprising friendships in Egypt, her global adventures have shaped her unique approach to communication and human connection. With refreshing candor, she shares how her journey began with a psychosomatic back problem that sent her searching for healers around the world but evolved into something much more profound: the freedom to not care what others think.

As Vice President of Barcelona's Women's Network, Jessica offers fascinating insights into expatriate communities and the challenges of building a business in a culture that prioritizes lifestyle over wealth. Her experience working with companies like Amazon, Shell, and Airbnb reveals the stark differences between North American and European communication styles, and how women can navigate these differences authentically.

Jessica's perspective on imposter syndrome is revolutionary: women feel like imposters in professional spaces because "we were not socialized to compete with men." Rather than advising women to adapt to male-dominated environments, she encourages them to embrace their unique strengths while challenging men to do some adapting of their own. Her refreshing take on self-image—aim for "self-like" rather than the often unattainable "self-love"—gives listeners permission to be imperfect while still pursuing their passions.

Ready to dance badly, speak authentically, and embrace your messy, beautiful self? Jessica's wisdom will inspire you to stop living for the male gaze and start living for yourself—chins, belly, and all.

You can reach out to Jessica here:

Website:   https://www.jessicabreitenfeld.com/


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Who is Julie Fairhurst?
Julie Fairhurst – Speaker, Author, and Founder of Women Like Me

Julie Fairhurst is a champion for women’s empowerment and the founder of the Women Like Me Book Program. Since 2019, she has published 30 books and 300+ true-life stories—at no cost to the writers—giving women a platform to heal, inspire, and reclaim their power. Dedicated to breaking generational trauma one story at a time, Julie’s mission is to uplift women emotionally and financially, helping them create better lives for themselves and their families.


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Speaker 1:

Well, hello everyone, and welcome again to another episode of Women Like Me Stories in Business. Oh, today, today, I have somebody super, super interesting. Let me tell you a little bit about her and then we'll ask her to expand on it. So today on the show, we are welcoming a woman who doesn't just walk into a room, she transforms it. Jessica Brighton-Field is a global communicator, a master of human connection, and she's from the sunlit streets of Spain to the boardrooms of Amazon, Shell and Airbnb. She's helped thousands, thousands, discover the power of vulnerability, storytelling and yes, improv comedy. The other thing I'd like to mention is that she's Europe's top female speaker for 2022. And she has danced in over 60 countries. So, oh, my goodness, Jessica, welcome to the Women Like Me. I am so excited to be here. I can't wait for you to tell us all about everything.

Speaker 2:

So why don't?

Speaker 1:

you start to tell us a little bit more about yourself.

Speaker 2:

That's lovely, because when someone reads a bio that you wrote of yourself, you're like oh really, is that me? Oh yeah, I wrote that with ChachiBT. So I always feel bad about the word transforming, because as a a therapist and as a woman who still goes to therapy, transformation has to be taken in the smallest piece of people feel differently and they're pushed a little bit to what they really want, because I love how coaches were always like it's transformational. I kind of like talking about that as well. It's like what are we and what can we really do? And all I can do is pretty much say that I'm trying to help women be unapologetic by being as vulnerable and as messy and as smelly as I am and hoping to inspire people to kind of dance badly, just like me oh well, thank you for that.

Speaker 1:

Um, I want to ask because, because and I want to let everybody know that that you are, you are Canadian, yeah, yes and um, and I just found that out when we hopped on the call, so that was exciting, but you've been in six continents, in over 60 countries, so tell us a little bit about that. What are you doing all over the world?

Speaker 2:

Chasing men. Honey, you want a more empowered story? No, I fell in love with three doctors from three different continents and I met them while traveling and then I moved to be with them and whilst I was there, I forgot about them. They became second, third, fourth, last priority and I actually just, you know, like, read the Quran, I dove into like spiritism and white magic in Brazil and I ate a lot of butter chicken in India. So wow. I got a lot of stories.

Speaker 1:

Yes, no kidding. So how did you find then about? Well, or maybe I could ask you so how does that diverse cultural experience of traveling the world? How has that shaped your approach to communication and training?

Speaker 2:

Wow, that's. That's bad, Because the you know, in India they do the head shake, which means I'm listening, essentially, but it's very frustrating when it's like 40 degrees outside and you're like for $3, will you bring me to that building? And they do this. And you're like, ah, I don't know what that means, but you can't do that because that's disrespectful. And you also can't be like what the F does that mean? You have to be like okay, I trust that I'm communicating my needs, You're agreeing to it, but I've been. I've been taken for a chump many times. I've overpaid.

Speaker 2:

In Costa Rica I was 21, learning Spanish and in love with a short Mexican guy. He wasn't a doctor, that was before I realized doctors were better choices and he drops me off like my guy drops me off at. He gets out and he leaves me in the car with the Costa Rican taxi driver and I'm like what could go wrong? I'm like I'm way bigger than any Costa Rican I've ever met. Right, Like I could. Just, I'm not scared of anything, Right. And he turns up the radio really, really, really, really loud, and I like loud music. So I'm like this guy's cool. I get there. It was supposed to cost $4. It cost me $12. And I tell my boyfriend, I'm like, oh, it cost $12. He's like he did the music scam. So when they turn the radio up, they charge you faster without you noticing that it goes faster, oh you faster, without you noticing that it goes faster.

Speaker 2:

How can we know that from small town Canada? We don't even lock our doors, let alone Exactly Interesting. So what do you do? You yell at him. You tell him that's not the actual price, it's dangerous, it's 11pm, I'm alone, I don't speak Spanish. He's got friends, he knows where I live. Now it's like this adapting to like every. He's got friends, he knows where I live. Now. It's like this adapting to like every. I don't want to be sexist, but like adapting to every dangerous male that you find in 61 countries. Right, I have to learn like am I nice to him? Am I sweet to him? Am I tough with him? Am I a little bit manipulative because I'm scared of him? Do I hide my money? Do I show openness Like it's? I really had to learn how to present myself.

Speaker 1:

To say, stay being six foot tall also helps being safe in these short people, countries, right, yes, exactly, yeah, no, I can, and so and so how has that then moved you into? Because you've done some some um coaching I guess it is with some pretty big name companies yeah, it wasn't boardrooms, boardrooms, I think I never.

Speaker 2:

I never did the top people. I always get the mid-level people, because they're the ones that are actually open to change. Yes, for sure.

Speaker 2:

The white guys at the top are like oh, we've been doing this way for two million years. I think diversity and inclusion is a bad idea. Yes, hire my company and go golfing, right, so they don't listen. So I try and get the people who want to improve their adaptability. So that's kind of what I specialize in, because after you've been to so many places, if you don't adapt, you get robbed and raped.

Speaker 2:

It's just the reality it's like I have to learn how to deal with all that stuff. And then I studied therapy, and then I studied how to be a facilitator, an improv facilitator. I learned adaptability, intelligence, and then I learned clowning. So now I package it all together and hope someone goes wow, this is out of the box.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, exactly, wow, it is out of the box. It is out of the box. So you've been recognized as Europe's top female speaker in 2022. Female speaker in 2022. So what do you believe sets you apart from your speaking style in the competitive?

Speaker 2:

world of public speaking. I want to know Thank you, that's because it's been my whole life. You know like if you travel and you're like this free-spirited hippie in Birkenstocks and you don't have a very cool job, like I was teaching English and waitressing, I'd like I'd fund. I had a broken backbone so I spent my life traveling the world. I didn't just travel to meet boys, I traveled because I had a. I had a psychosomatic back problem and I was going to India and to Brazil, to all these like John of God, healers in the forest and the in the deserts, to get someone to fix me. And so while I did that, I had to learn to accept the, the things you cannot change.

Speaker 2:

I had that, that I still have the back pain, even though I spent every penny I've ever owned on fixing my back pain, plus donuts. I'm Canadian, so those, you know that's where my money goes. It does, and I still have back pain and I know what caused it, but I still have the back pain and so it's kind of like what makes me, I think, a little bit different is like like I'm super, like real. There's like nothing cool about me and there's nothing that I have to prove to anyone because you just don't care. You know when you're sick and you think like you can't have kids, you can never like start a family, no one's gonna love you because you're broken.

Speaker 2:

If you live with that long enough, people's opinions don't matter very much anymore. So I think when I go on stage I use the clown energy, I like confront people, I like improvise with them, I pull like stuff out of my back pocket, right, I think I just have a lot of fun up there because I don't care anymore because I cared so much before what people think, and it's so liberating to see someone on stage who doesn't really care that they look like an idiot.

Speaker 1:

No, absolutely, and and we were drawn to people who are real and I and I appreciate that that was that. That was a great advice for anybody that might be listening, that wants to get into the world or do some public speaking. It's it's so true Just be who you are, you don't have to. That's why they came.

Speaker 2:

Yes exactly, yeah, if you wanted to watch an influencer, be perfect, we'd go on Instagram, wouldn't we?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly Okay. So you are the vice president of Barcelona's Women's Network. Now, I'm so curious about that because I belong to quite a few women's networks here in the Vancouver area of British Columbia, in the Lower Mainland, and I know lots of other women that are. So first of all, tell us what happens in Barcelona.

Speaker 2:

What happens. Barcelona is the place you want to go to meet like minded people that don't care a lot about money and don't care a lot about social status, don't care a lot about, like, checking off the boxes. Most of us are kind of people that couldn't, couldn't kick it in the real world because we just don't. And here you don make any money. It's like all of my clients, all those big names that you that I wrote, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they're all in other countries in Europe and in the Middle East. It's there's no money here because because nobody moves to Spain to get rich, you move to I don't know New York or LA to become an actor and you move to Barcelona to have a happy life with lots of friends and spend a lot of time enjoying your life. So here community is really important because the locals had to fight against Spain for their independence. So it was like Spain was like we all speak Spanish and all of these little like tribes and kingdoms in Europe. Canadians don't get this exactly, but like you used to be like, no, but for a thousand years I've been Catalan. Now you want me to be Spanish. I'm not being Quebec, right, right, not being British. Yes, we get it right. So the heroes of Barcelona are the Quebecers, because they had two fights to see if they could separate from us, and Canada allowed them to vote to see if they wanted to separate, but here Madrid doesn't let them.

Speaker 2:

So there's this tight community of Catalans. They're called, they speak Catalan, it's a mix of Spanish and French, and they don't let us in because they've been fighting to keep their identity, almost like Jewish people. They had to stay strong within their community against everyone. Sadly, that was against them. So they're very tight. You can't get in, and so that's why women's communities and expat communities are huge here, because we don't have the chance to like date or get invited to birthday parties or get hired because we don't speak their language. So we only have our expat communities, and I don't speak Spanish, pretty much like ever, because I don't need it and I definitely don't because I'm not invited to hang out with them. Interesting.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so what? So what is it that you're doing with your networking groups? How do they run? What kind of things are you teaching them?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I wonder because I have never been an adult in Canada. I left when I was like I was a 23 year old I don't know if that's an adult, but I was in university and not very adultish. So since then I haven't lived in Canada. So I don't know what Canadian women do, but we're a lot of like German, british women who wanted to have happier lives. So we come down here and because we don't speak the language, we can't do what we were trained to do, right. So we're stuck doing really crappy jobs like teaching English. Not that it's a really crappy job, sorry, no offense English teachers, but yeah, if you studied bio, yes, of course I don't even know what you study mathematics, science, anything that was challenging. To teach grammar to a bunch of 12-year-olds is not a dream job.

Speaker 2:

So this place is full of coaches trying to be coaches and English teachers and actors and people who work in call centers, because that's the jobs that North Americans can get in Europe. Okay, because we can speak the languages of the countries, yes, so there's a lot of us that are entrepreneurs. So there we're trying to get business from North America because you guys pay more and we have the culture of you guys. So we're, we're. We don't focus on getting business in Barcelona, so it's all about like how do you get the Germans to come? The Germans have a lot of money. How do you get the Swedes to come? How do you get the Americans to fly over to come to your retreats? How do you build your credibility?

Speaker 2:

Because the americans as canadians, we know this you and I are both, yeah, speakers. We have some like charisma, right? Yes, the europeans don't have that. They in general, frown upon and have never practiced public speaking, so they're almost the whole continent is pretty bad at public speaking and everybody says, oh, my god, I want to speak like an American. That's like the dream To be funny, to be able to improvise, to roll with it, that energy that North Americans have, yes, middle class, well-trained white people, if I can face us down, yes, but they can, can do that, but they can't do that over here.

Speaker 2:

So when I speak in Europe, I can't go all out like you and I kind of have fun and joke over here and like talk and roll with it. It's more like serious and formal, so adapting to all the different cultures. Every time you do a pitch. If it's a German, you pitch differently than if it's a French person. It's a French person way differently than if it's a French person. It's a French person way differently than a Catalan, catalan, way different than an American. So in Europe, you're constantly like reading who this person is and how you can sell to them or even have a conversation with them, which I never think about. In Canada, canadians are equal.

Speaker 1:

yeah so it's. That is. That is. That is amazing insight, because we the world is so open now and I have writers I have a writer from Spain, the UK, iceland, mexico and I never really thought so much about how different we are, culture wise, until until I just heard you speak.

Speaker 2:

Because we don't think like that. It's like oh, my best friend was from Sri Lanka, my other best friend was from Iran and every boyfriend I dated was from Africa. Like, yeah, I didn't have any white friends and I went to Victoria, which you know is extremely white.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes, exactly Even the rabbits are all white there, right, yeah, so we don't care about that. Yes, maybe we have lots of biases and we pretend we're not whatever. That's another conversation. But when you go to Europe, everyone's like oh, you're from an hour away, you talk funny and you're like sounds the same to me, sally them. They know exactly where you're from, who you're from, what class you are. Yes, yes, so old that there's so many biases and stories that in America were like hey, where are you from? Great Welcome to my barbecue.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. Oh, that's so interesting. I want to shift our conversation a little bit, because I know that you help people with imposter syndrome and I would love to you to talk a little bit about that, because I know a lot of women that have like they're out there trying to do their business or coaching their authors, whatever it is, but they're so insecure and they don't necessarily jump right into what it is, they hold themselves back and maybe they're feeling like they're imposters. So do you want to talk a little bit about that and how that can help women? What can we do to help women?

Speaker 2:

Well, the six countries I've been, except for Nigeria and Israel, all of us are socialized to be attractive and nice and pleasant. And attractive, nice and pleasant doesn't compete in the real world. We are the wives of the non-attractive, competitive and aggressive dudes because they have to survive it. That's the market, that's capitalism. So, yes, we were not socialized to compete with men. So of course we feel like imposters, because, just like they feel like imposters if they would come to one of our like sleepovers or come to the bathroom west when we powder our nose they don't know how to talk emotions like we do. They don't know how to gossip our nose. They don't know how to talk emotions like we do. They don't know how to gossip like we do. They don't know how to collaborate and help each other and encourage each other. They were raised completely differently everywhere I've been, except for those two countries where they're treated more equally and made to do very difficult things that build the resilience and take away some of their femininity. Not that I wish that upon anyone to some degree, yes, but but we feel out of place because we are untrained to be there. So you have to, you have to be like okay, I need to adopt the things that men do in my own way and then adapt when I'm with women and do the things that make me successful with women.

Speaker 2:

I'm very different with men and women and I can't, I can't not be, because the way I act with my, with the girls, you do that in front of guys. They think you're well, they think I'm silly, right, I'm tough, like I am with guys. With girls, they think I'm a witch. I'm both and all women are both. We have. We've underdeveloped the other other side because we thought it wouldn't get us husbands right. And husbands was the main goal of women since the beginning of time and until like 50 years ago that was our only goal was to be attractive enough to get a man, keep a man, cook him enough ham to keep him around. That keeps paying babies because you didn't have an education, so you were dependent on male yes. So now everything has changed. The young girls, man, they don't live for the male gaze. They were running shoes with a shiny silk dress and they don't pluck their eyebrows. You know bisexual.

Speaker 1:

They are so inspiring to me, wow Well what do you think us older ladies can do? Then I mean, I get it, I get the whole, the whole younger generation, and good for them, good for them. But what about? What about the ones that are a little older and struggling? A lot of the women actually are women that, for example, for myself, I did 34 years in sales and marketing.

Speaker 2:

For example for myself.

Speaker 1:

I did 34 years in sales and marketing Wow, yes. And then I, just a year ago, retired. And in 2019, that's when I started my Women Like Me program. I was preparing because I knew that I was getting burnt out and I knew I had to go. Some women are still in their day jobs and they're so unhappy trying to get what they call a side gig on the go. What kind of advice would you give to them? You put on, you put on your running shoes and dance and still dress it is about walking and acting and owning it.

Speaker 2:

so, yeah, that's not even bad advice. It's like on my birthday. I'm always obsessed. This is a little bit off topic, but on my birthday last week I decided I'm gonna wear whatever I want and it's not attractive and it's not for the male gaze, and I spent my entire life living, not living for, but a lot of my energy went to the male gaze. And which boyfriend? And would I be able to have kids one day? And who am I as a woman who doesn't have kids? Right? All of this energy on men?

Speaker 2:

And so I think, like women our age, we were raised that way. It's hard to get that crap out of our head. But if you do enough of meditating, enough of ayahuasca, enough of like sisterhood dance parties, if we do enough of that stuff, I think it's like what all amazing 50 year old women I know? The amazing ones I don't talk to, but the amazing 50 year old women I know are just like F that Like I'm wearing running shoes with a silk dress and I ain't doing my eyebrows either, because I'm tired of trying to appease men and do what I'm supposed to. So it's like just try and get that energy a little bit earlier.

Speaker 2:

Like that, like F you unapologetic. I'm not here to be gazed upon. I'm here to like learn something in this lifetime. I'm here to like fight for some cause. I'm here to raise kick-ass children. I'm here to raise not kick-ass children, but to heal something inside of me, like focus on that and let the eyebrows grow. It's like this focus on superficiality I think that my generation still has is exhausting and a total waste of time, because we all get old and there's always younger women. It's just a fighting game.

Speaker 1:

Yes, oh for sure. Wow, that's, that is absolutely great advice. So so what do you do for women then? So you have a coaching program. Tell us a bit about what you offer out there in the world.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'd say it's like less coaching, it's more training, because I like to tell people what to do. Yeah, okay, perfect. So what's the difference between a coach and a trainer? I'm like a coach asks questions and isn't allowed to give advice. She's like, oh so, you don't do that. Then I'm like, oh no, I do training. And I'm like do that, do it again. Now do it with your arms on your hips, and now pretend I'm your father and now pretend I'm your.

Speaker 2:

Like a lot of role play and improv, and it's like putting down boundaries. It's essentially a training in everything that scares you we confront to you. It's therapeutic, of course. It's cathartic, it's terrifying. It's only for the bravest of the brave, who are so sick of feeling how I felt my entire life, just so sick of feeling like you're not pretty enough. I never thought I wasn't smart enough, which I wasn't very smart, so it's funny that that never hit me. But being pretty was so important to me, you know, and so I just know what it feels like to feel ugly and how shitty that feels and how it stops you from a lot of things, and I don't want any girl in the world to do that. So let's, you know there's a lot about accepting too. It's like, okay, I am ugly, I am too tall, I am um, I'm not the, I'm not the smartest. It's like accepting the shitty parts of yourself, like denying. It doesn't work. I've tried my whole life to be like no, but I am pretty.

Speaker 1:

Oh no, but I'm pretty.

Speaker 2:

No, I have an ugly part.

Speaker 2:

I don't love my body and I've been to 60 countries and I've met people that are the most fascinating people in the world, and I've read a bunch of religious books and I've had boyfriends around the world and I've cried my heart out, like I've lived a very, very full life while disliking my body, while hating my nose, while not feeling like I'm good enough.

Speaker 2:

It's like it didn't stop me, whereas it stops a lot of women. So I think it's almost just like feel the fear, feel the hate, feel the self-hate and, just like, try to get to self-like, like self-like is good enough in this lifetime, in an industry that wants us to hate ourselves and buy shit to put on our face and Botox everything and push it all up ourselves. And buy shit to put on our face and Botox everything and push it all up. It's like they thrive on us hating ourselves and if we continue to inject ourselves and hate ourselves, the patriarchy wins. So it's like we have to stop thinking that it's about looking good, as I did my makeup and brush my hair and wore a push-up bra. Right.

Speaker 1:

But I get what you're saying, because it's not just it's. I mean, there's nothing wrong with looking good and being present and looking presentable. You're coming on a podcast, you're? You know, you got to look presentable, you know, but but it's about. But I get what you're saying, though it's about I can't go out of the house without the makeup on. I can't get on that stage unless I lose 10 more pounds. I can't, you know. Oh, I'm over the age now of being any good to anybody. So now, what do I do? So I, I, I, oh, I got shivers. I thank you for that. I think that, uh, that just makes so much sense, so much sense you know, because we have no choice.

Speaker 2:

It's like I will never be as hot as I was when I was like 18. I'm way happier now. No, I was pretty happy. I realized therapy and self development. And then things got messy Because I was like, oh my God, I'm putting on a show, I just act like I'm happy all the time. Because if I don't act like I'm happy all the time, people think I'm a loser and insecure. And in our country to be insecure is the worst thing you can be. It's better to be on welfare and be confident than to be insecure and actually successful. Because we Americans, north Americans we have this like against anything that shows vulnerability or not perfection.

Speaker 1:

I think it's the Hollywood influence right.

Speaker 2:

Probably yes.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know it's interesting because about a week ago I was with one of my sisters and I was telling her I can't even remember why the conversation came up, but what I said to her was you know, I find it so interesting when I was in my twenties I had that flat stomach and you know, three kids, 20s I had that flat stomach and you know, three kids later I still had that flat stomach and then all of a sudden, for whatever reason, it went away and and and of course I've aged.

Speaker 1:

And I said to her you know, I've used it. I would take my picture today and I would, just as an example, and I will look at it and I go, oh, I'm aging, and oh, and then six months later I look at it, or a year later, and I go, wow, I was actually pretty hot, but it's, it's and and and it's true. Like I'm looking back at those pictures, going, why would I ever have been shy of that picture? Or why did I feel insecure about that picture? Look how, look how fabulous I was. Yeah, but, and it's so sad that that those pictures get put away until you know so. So I think it's just, I just love what you said it's just like push, go for it. You can't, you're you and you're fabulous go for it.

Speaker 2:

You can't, you're you and you're fabulous. You're, you're, you are. What was this? Okay? So I've lived in Muslim country. I'm holding a potato I just realized that I'm like holding potatoes, so weird. That means I'm cooking potatoes for dinner.

Speaker 2:

And so in Muslim countries, I lived in Egypt for a year and I've dated more Muslim men than I have. Whatever. I'm supposed to date as a middle class white, like Catholic chick Right, and there's something. I know this could be controversial, but I don't care, I live there. So this is my experience. It's like there's something very beautiful about when they cover their hair and they cover their bodies. We Western girls who have no idea, we think they're very oppressed. We think, oh my God, they can't wear a bikini. I was there, I was allowed to wear a bikini and I went to the beach. I could have worn a bikini, but even just being there for a couple of months, I no longer wanted to, because I realized that men look at you like an object. They don't think, wow, I bet she's a good, good, funny, kind friend. They think, hmm, where could I touch that?

Speaker 1:

You know right.

Speaker 2:

That's just what happens with 10 times more testosterone. Yes, of course you can't help it, and they understand that, and so they protect their women by covering it up. I think a woman should be able to choose what she wants, and I think that men should not be forgiven for not being able to control their own urges. So that's like a whole story, but the fact is that I had friends in Egypt. I only had male friends, because unfortunately, this is the shitty part of that world. Yeah, women have to be home by seven o'clock or they're prostitutes. Why is a woman alone on the streets past seven? She couldn't possibly be an artist or work at a cafe or be going somewhere. No, she must be a prostitute. But because I'm white, I'm guaranteed a prostitute. So just by being white, I'm a slut.

Speaker 2:

So I embraced it and I thought, yeah, I'm going to stay at home just because a bunch of people think I'm a slut. I'm not a slut. I am in their books, yes, accepting that that was what it was and having empathy for them. But these men, I tell you, I have never realized until I was what. Was I 24? I didn't know that men could be just your friends.

Speaker 2:

I grew up my entire life thinking one always wants more from the other, and I think we're taught that as Canadians. Like and to Egypt, I had like six dudes, mostly called Mohammed, and they never hit on me. They never said anything appropriate, inappropriate, they never. They treated me like their sister, with utmost respect, and I'd never felt that from any male. And I grew up in the church, I grew up Christian, I was a missionary when I was 21 in Costa Rica. Like I've never felt the respect that those men had for me as a sisterly, energy, right, yes. So I thought, okay, these Muslims aren't so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like looking like a piece of meat that we so pride ourselves on. We're feminists, we can wear whatever we want, okay. But there's also reality that if you wear whatever you want, there are consequences to looking at it, because men get distracted by these and they're not listening to you. We all know that.

Speaker 2:

Like look at my eyes not at my boobs, but if you're like this, you're also distracting them consciously. I know when I'm distracting a man with my boobs, also distracting them consciously. I know when I'm distracting a man with my boobs. Yes, I know what shirt I'm wearing. Yes, I'm not innocent in this game. So it's like if we can get rid of, like trying to get the male attention for sexual value.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And focus on like what we are inside. Way more time saved and way more inner value.

Speaker 1:

Yes, that was my rant. No, no, no, and I think some women out there need to hear that, and I, I agree with you, I do, I, and I think that, that, um, we just need to value ourselves, you know, and when we do, when we do value ourselves, is when the world opens up for us.

Speaker 2:

I like that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah yeah, we're waiting. No, it's like if I get valued by those men, that man, that society, that culture, that modeling agency, whatever that group of cool girls, then I'll be able to do what I actually want to do, which is be a piano player. Yes, I'm a piano player and wear a low-cut shirt because I want to, not because I need you to like me to get what I want. This dependence on sales approval to get what we want in life. Yes, two million years old. Yes, but we don't actually need it anymore if we have education yes, for sure.

Speaker 1:

I just got to reach over here and grab a piece of paper. I I would love to, if you don't mind. Right now I would love to just shift a little bit again and I have some favorite podcast questions that I love to ask our guests. So would you like to? You'll do it, you're fun, you're fun, okay, okay. So let me start with the first one, and this is a funny one to ask you, but I'll ask if you could travel anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would you go and why?

Speaker 2:

Very nice. It's very superficial. I would go to Thailand because my favorite is Thai food and fruits are still very expensive here, and there's mangosteen over there which is the most delicious fruit in the world.

Speaker 1:

And there's mangosteen over there, which is the most delicious fruit in the world. Wow, love it. I love Thai food too. Okay, what's your favorite?

Speaker 2:

way to unwind after you have a busy day. Eating Sex and eating after that. I'm a glutton, I'm just a simple girl who's like oh, century pleasure, music dancing, ah, feeling alive, laughing love it, love it, love it.

Speaker 1:

What's your? What do you have a favorite motivational quote?

Speaker 2:

yeah, I write them all on the wall. Which one okay um criticized by creating oh, that's a good one.

Speaker 1:

That's a good one. And what about books? Do you have a favorite book that inspires you?

Speaker 2:

I have a friend in barcelona. She's from la and she wrote a book criticizing all 100 religions. And, interesting, wrap rap out of me because of course I've lived in all those countries and being infidel there is dangerous. So you pretend you're married and you pretend that you're their religion, right? Oh, it's asking yes, yes, right, so she's. And she never. She never questioned writing that book, she just thought religion is stupid. And not that I totally agree with her 100%, or I don't know if I agree with her 100%, but just the fact that she was so bold that she wrote about something without fearing the opinions of all the world. It's like she's a bold, tiny LA woman and it's the funniest book I've ever seen. I laughed three times in one page wow, that's, it's great good.

Speaker 1:

Okay, that's very interesting, all right, the next one if you could have dinner with any woman in history, who would it be, and why?

Speaker 2:

this is so random, but I was like okay, first Mother Teresa. Because I was like okay, first Mother Teresa. Because I was like how did she ever decide to do that? Like oh my God, yes, the prostitute that hung out with Jesus, right, magdalene.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, mary Magdalene, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, she, she should be, she, I don't know, but a woman who dared hang out with Jesus and he dared hang out with her. That is like a life lesson for women, valuing themselves despite their job and despite their sexual yes, and she would have something to tell us about what the love of Jesus felt like.

Speaker 1:

Wow that. I think that might be my favorite one so far. That's great. I never even thought of that. But wouldn't she have some stories to tell? Yeah, Okay. And if you could whisper one truth into the ear of every woman who's struggling right now, what would you say?

Speaker 2:

That's such a nice question. I think it would be about self-like. It's like all those life coaches with their Lulu pants on and like telling you to love yourself. I just don't think it's. I don't think it's true. I think you should just like yourself. Stop beating yourself up for not being perfect and go go do what you freaking love and don't worry if you're not gonna get married and you don't have the male gaze and you got three chins right. Like my TEDx talk video.

Speaker 2:

I was like, oh no, the biggest success I've ever had has like four chins oh, like we are so bad to ourselves wow here we are and it's like go have fun and go dance on the beach with your big double chins and your big bellies. I should say that to myself. I wish I could whisper to myself yeah, oh, that's beautiful.

Speaker 1:

I love it. It's just um, you are just a breath of fresh air. I love your wisdom, I love your attitude and you're so right, we need to have more fun. We need to quit being quite so serious all the time. And yeah, I'm just thinking to some of my networking meetings, you know, and it's all just so like you know, and really there's not a lot of fun happening. No, so, yeah, just light up, lighten up a little bit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like women aren't allowed to be too fun, because if you're too fun, you're too serious, you're not serious. If you're not serious, you're not professional. And if you're not professional, you might be a tramp. And if you like, don't take things religiously, oh then you might be a tramp. And if you like, don't take things religiously, oh then you might be a bad girl. And now you're going to hell, all right. It's like all of this from our moms and our grandmothers, afraid of being called sluts yes, right.

Speaker 2:

Getting married and being like cat ladies All of that is in our systems and it's our job as moms. I'm not a mom, but I know you have grandchildren. It's your guys's job. And me, as a teacher, to be like that was the way we had to be for two million, two thousand, whatever your religion is, years, not anymore. Go get an education, go do what you love and wear whatever the hell you want, as long as you feel good in it.

Speaker 1:

Yes, love it. Patriarchy, oh, love it. Well, I just want to let everyone know that if you want to read reach out to jessica, I will have all of her details in the details section of the podcast, as well as the youtube video. So, um, although she's, uh, on the other side of the world, look, she's not very far away, she's right there, so you'll be able to reach out to her if you want to. Yeah, for whatever reason. So, before we close, jessica, what I know, you gave me the whisper and I appreciate that. Thank you, and I felt the emotion of that. But is there anything else that you would like to share with the audience? Anything at all you'd like to? Any wisdom, any tips, anything at all you'd like to share?

Speaker 2:

No, I just I'd like to say that I love the name of this podcast Women Like Me.

Speaker 2:

And I'm looking at you and I keep reading it, of course, because it's right on top of your two ears, and I'm just like, who isn't a woman like me? Like we are so similar in our struggles that really any woman could come on your podcast, because your idea is so beautiful that we're all. I think we're all the same, we all have these stories, we all struggle, we all like fight with self-hate of our body that the patriarchy told us to hate. Like if we could all just like unite more and stop acting like the boys, life would be so much better. But this competitiveness, this lack of space in the tables of the people that make decisions, you know, I think we really need to make the decision that we will not act like you guys, just so you accept us and let us sit down at the table where decisions are made. We do it way and they have to do some freaking adapting after all, this time of us adapting to them like make them sweat a little bit, yeah no, exactly.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you for that. I appreciate it and I appreciate everything you said. I know that, uh, it's going to be helpful, absolutely it was helpful to me. That's why.

Speaker 1:

I loved it I love to me. That's why I love doing this. I get all this free training. It's perfect. So thanks again, jessica, for being here with us and everyone. Thank you so much for watching and, as I said, go to the details section if you want to reach out to Jennifer Not Jennifer, I'm sorry, jessica All of her information will be there. So thanks again. I appreciate you being

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