Women Like Me Stories & Business

Navigating Love and Boundaries - Emma Potts

• Julie Fairhurst • Episode 86

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In our latest episode, Emma Potts shares her poignant and personal journey of transformation. She talks about overcoming patterns of self-protection to embrace a life filled with authenticity and genuine connections.

A contributing author to the book "When Life Breaks You Open: Moments that Change Everything," Emma brings her story to the forefront, offering insights and reflections that many women will find familiar and inspiring.

Her experiences navigating relationships, especially those with cross-cultural dynamics, provide a window into the complexities of love, boundaries, and the courage to initiate change.

Emma's narrative is not just about ending toxic relationships but also about the profound journey of healing that follows. She opens up about the impact of unresolved issues on mental health, illustrating how recognizing triggers can empower individuals to reclaim their lives.

Through her story, listeners gain valuable insights into processing past traumas and fostering healthier relationships. Emma highlights the importance of communication and the safe space created by supportive partners, demonstrating how it can facilitate healing and growth. Emma discusses the role of supportive communities and the significance of maintaining connections with people who understand and nurture one's journey.

This episode promises to resonate with anyone striving for healing and self-discovery while offering practical advice for building stronger, healthier relationships.

Emma's Books
Sad Songs: https://a.co/d/3RJ6hEY

 Float Away: https://a.co/d/61bC7c9

 Emma can be reached by email at…  weeverlastinggods@gmail.com

FREE GIFT: How to Succeed: Learn from Famous Failures

How to Succeed: Learn from Famous Failures reveals the stories behind some of the world’s most iconic figures who faced extraordinary setbacks before achieving greatness. This book dives deep into their failures, uncovering the critical lessons they earned and the strategies they used to persevere.

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Who is Julie Fairhurst?
Julie Fairhurst is an accomplished author, writing coach, and the visionary founder of the Women Like Me Book Program.

With 36 published books and a proven track record of helping over 160 women become published authors, Julie is passionate about empowering women to find their voice, share their truths, and create meaningful connections through storytelling.

Julie’s writing programs, including her highly sought-after four-week course, provide women with the tools, guidance, and motivation to tell their stories confidently and leave a lasting impact.

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Speaker 1:

Well, hello everyone, and thank you so much for joining us. Today we are having another episode of Women Like Me Stories and Business. I'm your host, julie Fairhurst, and today I'm here with another of our new authors. I'm so excited to have this conversation with Emma Emma Potts is her name, and she's got some really major insights that we're going to go over. So, before we get to Emma, I just want to mention the name of the book that she's in, because it comes out today. So today is our book launch and here we are. It's so exciting. It's just going to be a super exciting weekend for us.

Speaker 1:

So the book is called when Life Breaks you, open Moments that Change Everything and I know I've been mentioning this with our other authors, but I want to mention it with Emma as well is that she had, through her story, these little moments, little things that happen, little tweaks that happen, and those were the things that helped her to change her directory, change things so that they were better for her in her life, and so just keep that in mind. When you're living your own life, it's sometimes not the great big volcanoes of things happening. Sometimes it's just those little things, those little things that we need to pay more attention to. So, that said, I'm going to tell you Emma's title of her book I'm sorry her story, and then we're going to dive in and we're going to get into a pretty good conversation. So Emma's title in the book is learning no, I'm sorry, not learning.

Speaker 1:

Title in the book is learning. No, I'm sorry, not learning. Letting go of self protection habits, learning to live authentically beyond survival patterns. And I just you know I really love your title, emma, because letting go of self protection habits we're going to talk about that because we all have them, but we might not realize we have them. So thank you, emma, for being here, and why don't you let us all know who you are?

Speaker 2:

So I am Emma. I'm I. Where to start, I guess? I grew up in a small town, went to university out east, got a bachelor's degree, decided to move back to Ontario, got a degree in audio production. I am actually not working in either field right now, but I am fully working on a podcast to combine both of those loves. Working on a podcast to combine both of those loves, um, I'm I'm a writer. I've wanted to be a writer since I was probably 12 years old, um, so I have my story in this book. I have two self-published poetry collections on Amazon, um, and I'm working on way too many projects right now. Yeah, I think those are the interesting bits.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm the same way. I put a file on my computer that said projects closed, which is like maybe five projects open, which is like maybe this long. That sounds about right. Yeah, so I totally get it. I totally get it. Well, that's an interesting degree that you have. So that's so, you're not. You're not using that in your career at the moment.

Speaker 2:

No, I it's unfortunate, but with audio production a lot of places want you to intern in, like Toronto and I. Just it's just not feasible right now right, right.

Speaker 1:

Well, it's going to come in super handy, uh, when you do your podcast and and um and uh, yeah, it's just going to help you, help you flourish. So I'm, I'm excited, so feel free to shoot me any, uh, any suggestions my way, because I'm, I, I kind of know what I'm doing, but I'm not 100% there, okay, well, let's dive into your stories. First of all, let me just ask you, emma, why did you write, uh? Why did you want to write the story that you wrote in the book? Why did you choose that one?

Speaker 2:

I think there are multiple reasons. I mean it's really. I mean I guess there's always been kind of a lot going on in my life, but it is currently the story that has impacted my life the most. It's sort of the biggest thing that I've gone through and struggled with and had to sort of pull myself out of, and I just felt it was important to share because I know, I mean, I have a lot of female friends and I've seen their relationships and a lot of the issues that I faced in mine, which are awful to have to deal with, are things that a lot of women go through and you just are things that a lot of women go through and you just you know you're so in your head and only seeing from your perspective that you don't always recognize the signs when you should. And I think that you know, if someone were to read my story and think, huh, that's kind of familiar, maybe I should reevaluate where I'm at. I think that would make it like completely worth it for having shared it.

Speaker 1:

That's, that's thank you for that. That that's deep and and that's this is what it's all about. It's about helping others who might be in the same predicament that we were in, and and and we all learn from each other. So thank you for for getting the courage, because it's a pretty. It's a pretty raw story in certain areas, but and you do put yourself out there, so I appreciate that very much. I know how difficult that is and but, but that's what it takes. Sometimes, when we heal, we know we want to be able to help others to do that as well. So let's dive into all my questions, okay, all right, so let's start with. Can you share what initially drew you to your relationship and how your expectations of love shaped your decisions?

Speaker 2:

So I was. I think I was 19 when I met him. I had a. We had blogs on the website, tumblr. That's how we met, because he was in Northern Ireland and I was in Canada. So we met online and we were just friends at first and I was.

Speaker 2:

I was scooping ice cream over my summer break after my first year of university, and it would be long nights in the summer dealing with the absolute worst customers and I would always come home to the sweetest, funniest messages from him and it would just make my day so much better, like a little bit more bearable. So we kept talking after that and one night he it was his first year of university so he ended up getting drunk with a bunch of his friends and confessed his feelings to me, and I think, looking back on it, getting into a relationship with him was a terrible idea, based on a couple of things obviously the long distance. And then the other thing was that I had seen pictures of him and my reaction to the pictures was well, I guess he's kind of cute and I had never dated before, I had never known, you know, anyone to actually be interested in me in that way, and I think a lot of that has to do with a late life ADHD diagnosis and I am incapable of recognizing what anybody is flirting with me. I have no idea, it just goes right over my head. So he was the first person to ever just spell it out for me in a way I could understand.

Speaker 2:

Wow, so I, I don't know. I felt like maybe I should have the experience of dating someone and it was nice to be wanted and loved. So, you know, at the time I really had no expectations of what dating someone was going to be like. So I think he had a lot of free reign to just kind of do whatever he wanted, because I didn't know what was going on Was he?

Speaker 1:

were you guys about the same age or was he a little older?

Speaker 2:

We're the same age, I think it was just a difference in like the schooling system in the UK and Canada that sort of has people at different levels Cause, yes, yeah, it was kind of confusing. I thought he was a year younger, but then he was the same age.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, oh well, you know that's to me. You know, listening to you and reading your story, of course I can see how a young young lady that hasn't really dated and hasn't had much to do with men boys could be taken by that with men boys could be taken by that. You know, he's in a different country. That's kind of alluring. The accent would be kind of fun. I've got a grandson that has an English accent and I could just sit and listen to him talk all day long. So you know it's yeah. Yeah, I can certainly see how that would be. That would be very alluring for a young lady, for sure, for sure. Hard relationship though, being so far away yeah, yeah, it was difficult yeah, so.

Speaker 1:

So, speaking of it being so far away, what role did you think the cultural differences if, if there were any played in your relationship, so was it? You know? I mean, I'm assuming they're not so much different than Canada, but was there any cultural differences that you noticed?

Speaker 2:

That's actually that's an interesting question. I never really thought about it before. Obviously there were little cultural differences, like I mean for one, just the slang and having to get used to that. And it's funny because I'm still pretty well versed in UK slang now and it's kind of incorporated itself into my own language, which is kind of weird now. Hmm, there's definitely. Well, honestly, the I think the biggest difference between our cultures didn't even really play a role in our relationship. It was because of the history of ireland itself. Um, a lot of the catholics and he was from a big catholic family um, don't like being called British, even though they are technically British.

Speaker 1:

Oh of course.

Speaker 2:

So there would be a lot of that. And just, I mean, it's definitely possible that there were misunderstandings based on things like that, because I wasn't super knowledgeable about irish culture until I started dating him and I did again. I was in university, I was taking history courses. I actually wrote some papers on some of the things that were important to him because I wanted to learn more about it. Um, which is interesting, because I don't think I don't think he ever really did anything reciprocal to that for me. Yeah, um, so I I definitely made an effort to understand more about his, about Irish culture and history and things like that, and I mean, I guess you can make the argument that Canadian history and culture isn't as deep to a certain extent. I mean, I'm I'm white, from a white family, so my own culture is, when you look at it, it goes back to Britain anyway.

Speaker 1:

So, yes, yes, yes for sure, and I think, and I think also, um, that's you know from, from what we, we, we know about each other, um, that's your, that's your thing, that's your interest. It would make sense that you would be like, oh, because you're so interested in cultures and and ancient cultures as well, and so that would make complete sense to me that you're, that you're diving in and what's this all about? And and doing papers on things. So it was certainly certainly makes sense. Yeah, certainly makes sense. Yeah, and I don't know about guys, you know, I don't know whether he cared, we're a little different thinking than we are. Yeah, so you were in a relationship with him, was it about eight years?

Speaker 2:

Eight and a half, probably closer to nine, that's.

Speaker 1:

That's a long time to be in a long distance relationship. I know that he did come to Canada for a while, is that correct? And then you went over there for a couple of visits, but still, that's a that is a very, very long time. What point, what point in your relationship did you realize this is not healthy?

Speaker 2:

It's. I mean, there were a couple of little things, but I won't I wouldn't point to them specifically because I think I was still willing to look past them and it's honestly it's kind of embarrassing to look at it and look at the way that I, or the things that I put up with, um, that, like you know, if it was my sister I would never have let her put up with those things. But you know it's me, so whatever. Um, but the biggest, the biggest point where I realized that this was not a healthy relationship was the last time I visited him. I visited him for two weeks because his sister was getting married and I had been invited to the wedding. I ended up getting really, really drunk at the wedding. I don't drink a lot, so when I do drink, it tends to be I tend to get very drunk. I'd never been that drunk before. I. I wasn't quite blackout drunk, but I was probably on the line like another drink probably would have pushed me over that line. Um, I, I was barely functioning and I at point I had to run to the bathroom to throw up and I had dropped my phone. So my boyfriend at the time had picked up my phone and eventually came to follow me to the bathroom to make sure I was okay.

Speaker 2:

Basically, the next day it came out he was asking me questions and it came out that he had looked at my messages with my best friend, because what he told me was he just unlocked the phone out of habit to look at his messages, thinking it was his phone. So I was a little bit manipulative in response. But he was asking me these questions. That, to me, implied that he had read more than just glancing at the messages. Um, he was asking me questions that implied that he had scrolled back and was reading what I had written to her. So I lied in response to one of the questions he asked me, because my reasoning was if he didn't scroll back, he will let this drop, but if he did scroll back, he's gonna question me on this lie. So I'll know whether he's telling me the truth or not.

Speaker 2:

And of course he kept pushing it. So I knew that he had specifically snooped through my messages with my best friend and I I didn't say much at the time because I was stuck in Ireland with him for like another week yes, yes, yeah, but the more that I sat on that, the more. It was just, it was just kind of the final straw, like I was, I was completely out of it and he went through my phone without my permission and it just I just felt so violated straw. Like I was, I was completely out of it and he went through my phone without my permission and it just I just felt so violated. Yes, it.

Speaker 1:

It was probably what pushed me towards finally actually breaking up with him and well, and, as you said, and as our book is about moments that change everything, but you did say as well before, that was sort of the last straw or the big. But then there's the little things. So you know in, possibly, if that was the only thing that happened, that wouldn't have caused a breakup. But then there's all these other little things that happen along the way. And then to have that happen and to invade your privacy like that, yeah, I would not be happy about that either. Not at all. So let's take a little jump into your journey of healing. You mentioned learning to identify self-protection habits that were no longer necessary. So can you explain to us what self-protection habits would be? What were?

Speaker 2:

yours. My biggest one, which I still struggle with, even in a healthy relationship today, is if we are having an uncomfortable conversation or an argument, no matter what the argument is about, if it goes on for you know, more than five minutes or something like that, I will start to feel uncomfortable and I will just apologize and drop. It Doesn't matter if I was right or I was wrong, I will just like I'm done. Fighting this isn't gonna go anywhere. I'll just apologize yeah um yeah it.

Speaker 2:

Uh, every every time with my ex when we would fight, every time I would try to call him out on his behavior and be like, express that it not even really call him out on it, just express how it made me feel right. He would find some way to gaslight me about it and turn it around on me and make it my fault. So I would just apologize, because if I didn't apologize he was going to withdraw into himself and not messaging me for days so it's like it. It's, it's easier to just move on.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, sometimes that can be healthy. You know, I, I am, I don't believe in in, you know, sometimes the need to be right can be dangerous. Right and and and. So sometimes that can be very healthy, but I think not healthy in your case, as you're explaining it, because you're, you're just you're. Each time you're doing that, your self-esteem is being chipped away at. Mm, hmm, yeah, and you knew what was happening, which made it even worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, not, not nice, not nice at all. Yeah, to have to do that. So you? So you were diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD, and so do you think that that? How, so how would that have helped you in your relationships or and in your healing journey? Did it help you or did it hinder you?

Speaker 2:

I think having the diagnosis and I mean a diagnosis isn't necessary for everybody. Not everybody needs what comes with that, but for me it was really nice to be able to have that label to put on myself, to be like, okay, I'm not, I'm not weird, I'm not. You know, I'm not broken like I, I'm just different for like xyz reason and I can, I can look at my behaviors and the things that I do and the way that I feel and I think and it it explains it. Obviously, you know a lot of people will use it for an excuse and it doesn't excuse any behavior, but it's really helpful to know where it's coming from and why you feel certain ways. And for me it really did help a lot, especially with the bipolar, because I've been able to get medication for it. My depressions aren't so bad anymore and that was, I mean, it was.

Speaker 1:

Admittedly, my depression probably isn't also as bad anymore because I I dropped the x and and once I broke up with him my mood, you know, kind of went from here as a baseline up to here, and that was really nice Sometimes sometimes it's situation like you know, we can have other issues, but sometimes that depression really kicks in due to situations and sometimes, if we feel hopeless and we don't know how to get out of it, or we're fearful, depression can really really sink in.

Speaker 2:

And I think those diagnoses helped too, because they let me sort of reclaim my life and take charge of things again and I think because it was around this time that I was starting to question my relationship, I think having those diagnoses and being able to push for myself within the medical system really helped me to be able to stand up for myself in my relationship as well and recognize that like these things are wrong.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, I love that you said that, because I think a lot of people might be afraid you know, of a diagnosis of a condition that they have, or they might be fearful or feel like it's something to be ashamed of. But I agree with you If our life is a mess or we're causing problems in our life, then yeah, let's find out why. Then yeah, let's find out why. And if it's, and if it is something and I don't want to say as simple as medication, but it's as simple as getting a, getting a proper diagnosis and some medication to help you cope, then by all means that's so important to do that yeah, absolutely yeah, well, good for you for having the courage, because not everybody has that.

Speaker 1:

And thank you very much for you know, having the vulnerability to be able to speak about this, because, for sure, there are people that are listening that have those possibly similar issues, or they're deep into a depression and they're too fearful to you know, to go in and seek help, and it's so important. So, thank you, thank you for sharing that for sure. So what triggered you? So you talk about triggers and now you're in a new relationship and you're very happy, but you do talk about triggers, even in your new relationship. That sometimes will set you off. So so can you tell us a little bit about that?

Speaker 2:

So there are. I mean, every so often, something else will resurface and then I'll have to. You know, I think I've got this drama under control, but then it'll rear its head over something silly. I remember one time I was washing the dishes with my partner and he hit his head off of the cupboard and he was frustrated. So we just slammed the cupboard shut and I immediately burst into tears. I didn't even have a second to think, like think about the situation, think about what was happening. It was just like this instant response from my body. It's like we're gonna cry right now.

Speaker 2:

Um, and I felt so bad. I I ran to the bathroom. I didn't want him to see me crying, not because I was embarrassed. I didn't want him to feel bad because he hadn't done anything wrong. He was frustrated. He slammed the cupboard. That is a totally normal person thing to do and I knew, like, knowing who he is, he is, he is so sweet. He was gonna be upset that he had made me cry. I didn't want to feel that way. Um, of course he knew. He knew because he's much better at reading my emotions than my ex was. He always knows when I'm upset. Um, so we I mean, we just talked it out, but I have this gut instinct of, when my partner is frustrated or upset, that it is going to be turned around on me and I am going to take the brunt of it even though.

Speaker 2:

I know, I know he would never do that, but everything with my ex would come back on me. Um, if he was frustrated, he would find a reason to fight with me or he just wouldn't speak to me for several days. Um, there was one time when I first started dating my new partner, um, he plays a lot of super smash bros and he was to go to a tournament in Toronto. So he drives all the way up to Toronto. It's like you know, two, two and a half hour drive with traffic. He got there an hour late because he misunderstood the time. So he's texting me about it and I was like, oh no, oh, he's going to be so upset.

Speaker 2:

And I know people talk about the fight response um, and they don't always. I know there's more attention around it now, but they don't always talk about the other options, which are freeze and fawn, and I am 100 a fawn response person. He, he texted me that I immediately made him cookies, because part of me did do it, because I wanted him to feel better when he got home. But I realized later that a large part of that instinct to do something for him was to protect myself, to be like, look, I've made you cookies. You can't be mad at me.

Speaker 1:

Oh, what a wonderful thing like awareness to have. Oh, my goodness, emma, that's an amazing, amazing awareness. Yes, I would never have thought that, so thank you for sharing that. And the other thing that I really appreciated you saying was when he slammed the door, because I remember reading that in your story when he slammed the cupboard door and it just evoked this horror inside you.

Speaker 1:

And I believe that we carry trauma in our bodies, so it's not necessarily always up here in our mind, it can be within our bodies and and I can really relate because I grew up in a very abusive home where mom and dad were lots of physical fights going on, waking up in the middle of the night to, you know, beer bottles being smashed and my mom screaming don't, don't, and all of that.

Speaker 1:

And so even to this day, if there is a fight going on, I, that little girl, just comes back, and I've dealt with a lot of stuff that may stay there forever, that little bit, but it's that, it's ingrained in me. It was so traumatic and so so I think that it's such a great awareness to talk about, because I think that that women especially sometimes we think, oh yeah, you know, I've healed, and then they and then something happens and they don't understand why they're reacting that way and and I agree it can it can just be ingrained in you, yeah, and that, uh, to just have a cupboard door slam and it freaks you out, it's almost post-traumatic stress disorder. Yeah, you know. Yeah, oh well, I think it's sweet and I know why you made him the cookies, but I think it's sweet that you made him the cookies too.

Speaker 2:

I probably, I probably would have done it anyway. Yeah, um, because I, I love him and I want him to feel better when he was really upset, because I mean he also got stuck in traffic on the way home and it took him several hours to get back.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, but you recognize that there was an ulterior motive for emotions as well, yes, and I think again, the awareness of that, you having the awareness of that, is an amazing sign of growth, because not all of us and I'm hoping anybody who's listening, who does this, is going to understand it and get it. So what practices or habits have been most effective in your mental health healing?

Speaker 2:

For me, I think. Well, I mean therapy Therapy helped a lot. I'm sort of between benefits, so lost the therapy for now, but I still have what I had to help me get by, which has been really helpful. But I think the biggest key I guess it's two part. It's two part One my partner is an amazing support system.

Speaker 2:

Um, like I said in my story, a lot of people will tell you after a bad relationship, to take a break, work on yourself like heal through things. But having a wonderful supportive partner there with me to help me work through these things, to give me this, it's almost like exposure therapy. Um, because I see him get upset, slam a cupboard, and then I see that he does not turn it on me. So it's, it's slowly getting used to. You know the way things should be. Yeah, has been really helpful and he, he's, he's so wonderful and the things that helped me get through when I am triggered like this is honestly just communication, being able to talk about it, and sometimes it's hard.

Speaker 2:

I couldn't, like I said before, I couldn't talk to my ex about anything without him turning it around on me. Like I said before, I couldn't talk to my ex about anything without him turning it around on me, but if I talk to my current partner about it, he's willing to listen to me. He's asking what he can do to help, how he can change what I need to do, and it's really hard to open up to him even though I know nothing is going to happen. So it is a big thing to communicate these things, but I have been trying really, really hard to get better at it and communication has never been my strong suit.

Speaker 2:

I'm a writer. I write, write things. I'm great at writing. Um, in my long distance relationship, a lot of our serious conversations were done over Skype or Discord, through text. So actually voicing my feelings and my concerns is still really difficult for me. I usually end up crying because everything makes me cry. So it's been a process, but it's really just communication and being able to talk about it, because if I can't tell him that I'm upset, how is he supposed to know that I need a hug? Of course, of course.

Speaker 1:

Especially us women, we're, we, especially us women, we're so like you know what's wrong, nevermind you know. It's almost like we expect our, our, the men in our lives to be mind readers or to know, and if you don't know or you can't figure it out, then you know. Bad on you. So, and that's just so silly, but we do do that as women, lots of us do that, and and they just, and men, they just. You know, men are like this, women are like this Any day, just like you know what, what the heck right, what's happening.

Speaker 1:

And so I think that that that's very courageous to to want to have that good communication and and for you, because, because not only learning to communicate with him, it's going to be everybody around you. Like you said when you started going to the medical system, about, about your, about your, um, you know your, your mental issues that you were having and trying to figure all that out with depression. You've got to navigate that you know, and and some people can't, but and some people don't have the oomph to get up and do it, and so you've got some drive there, which is, which is wonderful, and you want to fix it, which I think is fabulous, and, and and as, as, as scary as it is, you know you're putting yourself out there to do it, but I also believe that you have to have a receptive partner.

Speaker 2:

Yes, absolutely you know.

Speaker 1:

So if you're in a relationship with somebody who's just not interested, then you need to find, you know, a good girlfriend or or an auntie or or somebody professional out there, that because there's lots of people out there that that are willing to help us it's not choosing someone who's so invested right, because sometimes they don't give us the best advice that we can use. But I think that you a lot of courage for that. That we can use, but I think that you a lot of courage for that. So I would like to ask you, emma, if someone's feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and maybe they've been in it for a while and they're just not sure what to do, or they're just thinking they're stuck, or what advice would you give them and what would you tell them would be steps for getting out of that relationship?

Speaker 2:

I think the most important thing when you're leaving a toxic relationship and I can't speak for all toxic relationships, mine was emotionally and mentally abusive. I didn't live with him, we didn't. We weren't. Our lives weren't I. We were dating for eight and a half years but our lives weren't so intertwined that I couldn't just break it off which luckily I could.

Speaker 2:

But I think the most important thing is having a support system. A lot of toxic partners will try to cut you off from your supports. My ex never did that. He came very close. He once told me I won't tell you to cut off your best friend, but I don't like her. But I think he knew that if he made me pick between him and her, I would have picked her because she would never make me do that, she would never give me that ultimatum. So I think he was smart enough to know where to draw the line there. But if I hadn't had her, if I hadn't had my parents and my sister, I, I don't know what I would have done my, my poor best friend, my long-suffering best friend, who tried to get me to break up with him for years. She was so vindicated when I finally did it. But it was.

Speaker 2:

It was nice to have people who understood, who didn't judge me, like when I, when I first came to my parents and told them I wanted to break up with him. They didn't really, obviously, they didn't know the depth of the problems, but they were. They were incredibly supportive. They. They were like you know, you have to do what you have to do and we're here for you.

Speaker 2:

Um, so it made it a lot easier knowing that I had those people to fall back on and like, even before, even before I met my new partner, um, it was, it was just nice having that support and knowing that I wasn't alone. Um, cause, when you're alone, it is, it is infinitely harder. Um, but I would. I would say, if you have doubts about leaving a toxic relationship, if you're worried about you know, if you're thinking about, oh well, I've been with them for, you know, almost 10 years, like this sunk cost fallacy is real, but you know you don't deserve to be treated that way. And, yeah, 10 years, in the grand scheme of thing, doesn't doesn't mean a lot, um no, but you have to remember that you have depending on your age.

Speaker 1:

You have another 10 years, another 20 years, 30 years, maybe 50 years on this earth and um, and you deserve to be happy, yeah absolutely we don't want to spend it, uh, living the same day over and over and over again. I just want to say that I really liked how you validated women who might be living with someone who's like that no-transcript.

Speaker 1:

And your saving grace really was your distance, and so I can see how it would be very difficult for a woman who's in that kind of situation and, as you said, that's why support is so incredibly important out to and even if you have, you know what I find about our friends, our true friends, is even if, even if you haven't seen them, even if you maybe weren't so nice to them, you go back to them and ask for help and they're 99% got your back, yeah absolutely you know, because it it's, it doesn't go away sometimes.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes they distance themselves because they just don't want to see it. Or they yeah, absolutely you know, because it doesn't go away. Sometimes they distance themselves because they just don't want to see it or they don't want to deal with it. But they've got your back. And same with family members Not all, but most of the time. You know, if you go back, they've got your back, even if you know somebody has been isolating you for sure. I want to ask you one last question. Yes, okay. So what do you hope your listeners are going to take away from your story about resilience, self-love and the importance of prior, of prioritizing uh, your own well-being?

Speaker 2:

I think for me, the biggest message in the story I mean other than you know, recognizing the red flags and leaving and getting out I think what's really important to know is that you don't have to go through your healing journey alone. It is not all on you and yes, obviously you're going to do the brunt of the work, whether it's through therapy or you know whatever self-help method you have of. Yes, obviously you're going to do the brunt of the work, whether it's through therapy or you know whatever self help method you have of. You know fixing these thought patterns and and things like that. But like there are people there for you, my, my best friend lets me vent to her and sometimes she says, man, you should really tell this to a therapist, and she's right. But she lets me vent to it and it helps me. It helps me with that self-awareness because I've always been pretty self-aware.

Speaker 2:

I just have to talk it out first yeah, and then you know, sort of once I've gotten it out there, I'm like, oh, this is why I did x, y and z, like I should work on that. Um, and, like I've said, having my partner there with me has been, has been so helpful. I I went from one relationship directly into another and I remember my ex when we broke up telling me you know people, people are going to judge you from this, from you know, hopping from one relationship to the next, and I was like I'm happy and I wasted nine years of my life with you. Like I'm not going to continue to waste the rest of my life If I'm happy, I'm just going to pursue it and see where it goes.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, and that was just that final dig yeah.

Speaker 2:

There were a couple of those, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, again, I think the the the core message I find throughout your story and our conversation today is support. You just can't be alone. You can't when you're depressed and your mental health is kind of confused because of everything happening around you, your situation. You really need support and and so I hope that. I hope that if there's anyone listening that's in a similar situation that you were in or they're feeling the way they're feeling, I hope that they're reaching out and getting support. It is, you're right, it is so, so helpful.

Speaker 1:

And, and many times you know we can't do these things alone Sometimes. Sometimes sometimes we got enough gumption and we can, but but most of the time, no, we need we need somebody to bounce things off of, somebody to to help us get clarity and to help us realize that we're worth a good relationship, we are worth it and we're a good catch. And you know, yeah, and you know, what I also thought about your story as well is you had to learn, I think, how to tell people how to teach or how to treat you, and I think that's part of your conversation that you're having with others and with your spouse now. I think that, yeah, we women sometimes get mixed up, but I love how. I just love how.

Speaker 1:

How women are so willing to share with others, and so that's what you have done in your story, and so I hope anybody who is listening to this will go out and buy the book. So the book is called when Life Breaks you, open Moments that Change Everything. Emma's pot story is in there. That change everything. Emma's pot story is in there, and it's a lot more in depth, a lot more deep than than what we were able to to touch on here today. So I hope that you get it and read it and and support Emma and all our other nine authors as well.

Speaker 2:

So, emma, is there anything?

Speaker 1:

you want to say before we close out no, I think.

Speaker 2:

I think that pretty much covers it yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, perfect. Well, Emma, thank you so much for doing this and thank you all for being here on another episode of Women Like Me Stories in Business. I'm the host, Julie Fairhurst, and I hope you'll come back and join us again soon.

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