Women Like Me Stories & Business
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Women Like Me Stories & Business
Shauna Riley on Navigating Life's Uncertainties
Chana Riley, a resilient realtor from Abbotsford, BC, joins us to share her deeply moving story as a contributing author in the forthcoming book "When Life Breaks You Open: Moments that Change Everything."
Through her journey of miscarriage, Chana reveals the healing power she found in writing and the support she aims to offer to others walking a similar path.
Her story begins on a poignant day, April 21, 2010, meant for celebration but marked by the heartache of loss. Chana's openness and vulnerability shine a light on the often unspoken pain of miscarriage and the strength discovered in embracing one's dreams despite life's unpredictable turns.
Throughout our conversation, we emphasize the importance of seeking support during difficult times. Insights from women who've faced multiple miscarriages highlight the critical role of friends, family, and healthcare professionals in finding solace and the right help.
Our discussion advocates for systemic changes within healthcare to ensure women receive the urgent care they need in moments of crisis. The stories shared underscore resilience and personal growth, illustrating how adversity can forge a renewed sense of strength and determination in us.
Beyond the emotional journey of women, we also touch upon the often-overlooked experiences of men and the shared anxiety during pregnancy. By offering encouragement and highlighting the universal message of perseverance, we hope to inspire listeners facing life's challenges.
The episode closes with an invitation to connect with Chana for emotional support and real estate guidance. We express gratitude for her participation in sparking vital conversations about healing and hope.
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Who is Julie Fairhurst?
Julie Fairhurst is an accomplished author, writing coach, and the visionary founder of the Women Like Me Book Program.
With 36 published books and a proven track record of helping over 160 women become published authors, Julie is passionate about empowering women to find their voice, share their truths, and create meaningful connections through storytelling.
Julie’s writing programs, including her highly sought-after four-week course, provide women with the tools, guidance, and motivation to tell their stories confidently and leave a lasting impact.
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Hello everyone, thank you for being with us today. My name is Julie Fairhurst and I am your host, and you are either listening to the podcast or you're watching on YouTube, which is Women Like Me Stories and Business. Today, we're going to talk to one of our newest authors in a book that is being released November 29, 2024. And I'm saying 2024 just in case, because I don't know when you're watching this and I don't want you to think you know, oh, I got to wait until way into November. So November 29th 2024 is when Shauna's book is going to be released, and it is called when Life Breaks you Open Moments that Change Everything, and I just love that. And when you read the stories, that's exactly what's happening in there. It's life moments, life moments that the women, the authors, are going through, and it changes everything for them. So, shauna Riley, our newest author, thank you so much for being willing to come here and do this today, and thank you for being willing to write in the book as well. Can you please tell us a little?
Speaker 2:bit about yourself. Yeah, absolutely, hi, julie, thank you for having me here. Yeah, so I live in Abbotsford, bc, canada. I'm a local realtor out here in Abbotsford, bc, canada. I'm a local realtor out here. I've I wanted to share my story because I felt that a lot of women go through miscarriages and you know, some of them have that support, some of them don't.
Speaker 2:And I felt that, you know, after reading one of your books that you had published, and there was a chapter in there about a woman that went through miscarriages, and I immediately skipped that chapter and that's what actually prompted me to decide. You know what I think I'm going to write about this? Because this is something that's obviously a traumatic experience for me that I want to share, and you know it was actually ended up being very therapeutic, so I felt that it was just such a great way for me to let go of that grief, for letting go of all that that I had in me. So, yeah, so that was the reason why I decided. You know, I'm going to go ahead and write in your book and, yeah, so I appreciate you having me.
Speaker 1:No, of course, and thank you for telling us that. Thank you for being vulnerable, because I didn't know that you had read one of the other books and one of the other women and you skip past that chapter and and I appreciate you saying that because there may be many, many women out there who are skipping things out of fear because they've dealt with that. So thank you for sharing that. Can I ask you, before we sort of jump into everything, what do you hope that your readers are going to take away from your story?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So what I'm hoping they'll take away from that is that they realize that there is hope. There is, that you know there is that support out there If they need that support to reach out to professionals and people that have been through that and know, you know there's professionals that can guide them through the process. So I'm just hoping you know that. I think that's a big thing. It's just not giving up on on themselves and on their dreams of what they want to accomplish, whether it's, you know, having a child, whether they relate that to other parts of their lives. I just feel that there's there's so much value there.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, thank you for that. That's perfect, because I know you wrote in your story that you don't know what your life would have been like, had you given up.
Speaker 1:That's right, yeah, yeah. So I just thank you for that encouragement. So let's just sort of jump into your journey. April 21, 2010. It was a real pitiful or not pitiful. I'm sorry, but I can't I can't think of the word I'm trying to use but it was a. It was a not the best day for you, let's put it that way. Okay, can you take us back and share a bit about? Can you take us back and share a bit about? You know how that day changed your life or affected you and your family, or yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah for sure. Yeah. So it was my mom's 70th birthday and I had family coming in from California and it was supposed to be a big celebration and you know everybody was all excited for that day. And you know everybody was all excited for that day and a few days leading up to April 21st, I was having some spotting and my doctor said you know, don't worry, that's common. In some cases there's some spotting. We'll keep an eye on it. But I knew there was something not right. Like I felt like I had the fever, like the symptoms of a flu, like flu-like symptoms, and I felt that something just wasn't right. And I felt that something just wasn't right. And I think us women, we know our bodies, we know when something's not right.
Speaker 2:And then, of course, I miscarried and my husband dropped me off at the hospital, had to drop our son off at my mom's place and, yeah, it was a very traumatic experience because I'd never been through it and you know, you always hear about people, you know other women miscarrying. You never think it's going to be you. You always think it's, oh, it's somebody else that's gone through that, but you never think, you'd never imagine yourself going through that yourself. And and yeah it was. Yeah, it was very heartbreaking and I was very fortunate to have a lot of people around me that said you know what, shauna, I've been through it and you know, anduna, I've been through it and you know, and then I, then I know that you know, after they've been through it, they actually had success after that. So it wasn't like this is it like? You know you miscarried, that's it. You know? Yeah, there's no hope. So I think you know it was. It was very encouraging to hear other women come out and say you know what I've been through this.
Speaker 1:Like you know, I'm here for you, yeah, did you ever blame yourself at all for what happened?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think that's very common for a lot of women to think, okay, what could I have done differently? Was it something that you know? It was an activity that I did? Was it? Maybe I didn't have the right vitamins? Like you know all these thoughts come through, go through your minds, like what could I have done differently? So that definitely was a thought that crossed my mind, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's not. It's quite often it's nothing, or most of the time it's really nothing that that the woman has done. It's just the cycle of life happening.
Speaker 2:Correct, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I know, I. I just I thought it was so cute when, when, cause I know that you went through miscarriages, but then, of course, um, your daughter, you got pregnant with your daughter and I love the part where you said your, your water broke and you had your husband had to go to McDonald's yeah, yeah, so the uh.
Speaker 2:So the day the day, yeah, so the day after. So my water broke on the I think it was uh. So it was on September 1st and uh went to the hospital. The doctors obviously sent me back. They said you're not fully dilated, go back home, try to get some sleep. And then the next day, that's when we we went through the drive-thru McDonald's drive-thru because my husband's like I've been through this before, I know how long it's going to take, so I might as well, you know, have something to eat before we go. So here I am, you know, huffing and puffing, and you know doing, you know, all my breathing and all that while we're in the McDonald's drive-thru. So, yeah, it was. It was interesting.
Speaker 1:I thought that was so cute and I thought, yeah, he's, he's been through it. He's like I starved last time. I'm going to be there for hours. I'm going to get something to eat. I love. I thought that was so. Your husband must have a good sense of humor.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, yeah, I loved it yeah.
Speaker 1:So one of the things you say in your book as well is that is that you feel that miscarriage is a taboo topic and and that's really tough, especially because of the emotional grief that the couple and, of course, the woman is going to go through. So why do you think people don't want to talk about miscarriages? Why is it so taboo?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question. I feel like women feel maybe embarrassed. They don't want other people knowing that they've gone through this. And um, perhaps, yeah, I think that maybe they just blame themselves a lot of the times, like you know, like, oh, I must have caused this and you know, uh. So I think there's a lot of the guilt there too, and um, yeah, it's unfortunate, the society is that, is that way, where women don't feel comfortable talking about it so, yeah, because when we keep things silent or secret, um, we don't allow ourselves to get that, the love and the comfort that we desperately need from others.
Speaker 1:And so what you found because when I think was it your, I wasn't sure if it was your first or second miscarriage, but you decided to reach out and you actually let all your friends know and family members, and you got a really great response, didn't you?
Speaker 2:I did. Yeah, a friend of mine said Shana, if you miscarry three times, three consecutive times, you can go in and it won't cost you anything under our medical service plan to go in and see a specialist and they'll be able to determine what's going on. But you have to have the three miscarriages within, you know, I think within a 12 month period. So I did have a friend that kind of guided me and said, hey, like, go and see a specialist, like don't just, you know, because I think after the first miscarriage I almost anticipated it was going to happen again. So I I mentally prepared myself for that.
Speaker 2:So the heartbreak wasn't really there, like it was like the very first time around yeah, the first time around I was at nine weeks. The other two miscarriages I was at six weeks and the expectation was this might not happen. So don't get your hopes up. You have to go through the first trimester before. Okay, this is pretty much, you know it's going to be no issues, but you do have to pass that 12 month, 12 week stage. So so I think for me it was having that support, that friend saying to me go see a specialist.
Speaker 1:And when I did go see a specialist he's like okay, yeah, they were able to determine it right away what the issue was and and yeah, I was able to get help and and successfully have my, my daughter, after so yeah, well, and and so that you know that part of your story I think is so important for for women to hear, because had you just shut off, you know, and dealt with that yourself or with your husband, you might not have got the help and the direction that you needed.
Speaker 1:And there's, you know what we so often we feel alone when we're going through grief or traumatic events, but really we have 8 billion people on the earth and everybody's gone through something similar to what we're going through and so, and so being able to reach out and and and. The lovely thing with your friend is that she was just knew what you should do, where you should go. So I mean excellent advice, excellent advice, yeah. So what message do you have for women who might be feeling isolated? Maybe they're feeling ashamed about experiencing miscarriage? What, what advice would you have for them?
Speaker 2:yeah, I would say definitely go and seek advice from professionals. Sometimes our friends, uh, you know, we could. Depending on who your group of friends are, they might be very encouraging, they may be, might not be, you depending on their own personal experiences. So I say, seek professional advice, go see a counselor, somebody that can help you cope with it. I think that would be my best advice. I mean, fortunately for me I did have the friends, I did have that support, but that's not always the case for a lot of women. A lot of women don't have that. They don't have that family and friend support. So I'd say definitely seek professional advice. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I know that when you had your first miscarriage and I remember reading in the book that you were of course bleeding and you were left just sitting in the waiting room and of course your body's going through trauma, but of course, mentally you know you're just sitting there and this is all happening and there was no rushing you in. I think you said that a young fellow with a sprained arm or something from playing ball or something ended up going in ahead of you. So you know, what changes do you think we could we should see in society or even in our medical care system, like to help women who are going through miscarriages?
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. I mean, that was uh. To me that was, of course, yeah, traumatic experience and it's uh, yeah, you know, sitting in a in a big waiting area with a whole bunch of people and you're bleeding everywhere, you know. And then somebody like you mentioned, like I mentioned in my story, a guy that was playing basketball that sprained his wrist. He could have easily have gone to a medical clinic versus going into ER emergency. You know, I think it was just that time of the day, that's the reason why it was there, but yeah, it was. You know, once, once they, they realized how bad and severe it was when I said, look, I'm bleeding all over your, your seat here, like you know, at that point they're like, okay, let's grab a wheelchair and get her out of here. So it did take a bit of time, but I know that's. Yeah, that's definitely an issue here in BC.
Speaker 1:You know, medical and you know, and as you're talking, I didn't realize this when I read your story. But but as we're talking now, my thought is you know what? If, like they, like they put you in that waiting room, let you, let you sit there. How did they know that? How did they know that the baby couldn't be saved? How did they, how did they know they couldn't stop the miscarriage? To me, that would be something like like you got to get in there For sure, yeah, absolutely. Oh well, I'm so sorry that that situation happened to you. It's um, yeah, yeah, yeah. And your husband was the one who spoke up and said hello, yeah, pretty much, yeah, yeah, that's good, yes, yeah, sometimes we need to be loud.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Whether we like it or not, unfortunately. Yeah, you mentioned that you learned resilience and strength through your experiences, so how do you think that shapes you? How does that shape you today?
Speaker 2:yeah, uh, that's a great question.
Speaker 2:I would say you know I use that, that resilience of strength that I've gained from all these life experiences, and, um, use that in my business, like you know, as know, as a realtor. You know we go through a lot of difficult challenges and you know being strong and resilient when times are tough and believing in yourself and not giving up, because that's a big one. You know just. You know there's tough times and sometimes they feel like they last forever. Or you feel like you're never going to be able to get out of those challenging moments. And then all of a sudden, something happens and you're like Whoa, like wow, I did this.
Speaker 2:And knowing that every day, you just got to make that effort. You got to put that effort in because the results take a while to see, they don't show up right away. It's the same thing with having a child. You know, sometimes you can go through all these different treatments and try to get pregnant and you're still not having any success. But as long as you're not giving up and you're trying and trying, eventually you know there's a good chance you'll get there.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, yeah, you know, sean, I would love for you to to tell your story about, because you did, of course, have another child, your daughter. I think her name is Isabel, isabel, yeah, and. But but coming from a sales and marketing background myself, I I had to giggle a little bit about your story after you got out of the hospital with her, because didn't you have to go to court?
Speaker 2:Yeah, for a client, that's right. So, julie, as you know, you know when you're working with clients and there's a foreclosure, you've got to go to court, and that was, you know, that's the way it goes. So I did have to go to court. I think it was a week or so after I had her and we weren't expecting she was 21 days early. So it was 20 days early. So, very unexpected, I thought, you know, I could go to court, take care of this client. I've got my sister-in-law's wedding. Like I thought I could do it all and then, surprise, she came 20 days early. So but yeah, no, it's yeah.
Speaker 2:So I was breastfeeding my daughter in my husband's truck and then I had to go inside and then you know of the, you know the proceedings and you know, and then after that go back and you know. So unfortunately, my client did get the property. So that was, it was successful. Well, you know, it was one of those things where I'm like, oh, am I gonna get another realtor to go out there? I probably could have, but at that moment in time I was like I can do this, I got this, you know, it's just like you know, an hour in court and I go back in the car and breastfeed, and then you know, and yeah, so I was it was, it was good.
Speaker 1:I just had to giggle because what, what salespeople? Sometimes that the, the the world doesn't really understand how committed you have to be when you're in sales to your client and that's the ultimate commitment, my dear. Yeah, thank you. I'm so glad that your client got the property. That's wonderful. So I just I love that little story that you told in there. I thought it was good. So, looking back on, you know the miscarriages that you told him that I thought it was good. So so, looking back on, you know the miscarriages that you did go through. Do you think there's anything that that that you would have done differently? Or how did you do things differently, miscarriage from miscarriage to, of course, when your daughter was was born? Did you do things differently at all?
Speaker 2:Or no, I don't think so. I don't think I would do anything differently. You know, I'm very fortunate that I was able to have her after and I mean it was, yeah, yeah, if I, if I had to go back in time, I don't think I would do anything differently. I, you know, there's nothing that I could have done at that time or have known that my body was attacking the baby after, after I had my first child, having a, you know, a baby. After that my body developed autoimmune disorder and it's there's no way I would have known that, there's just no way of there was no blood test or anything that they would have tested me for at the time to be able to determine that. So I, at that time I just assumed everything was fine and then, after miscarrying, I, I just didn't, I didn't have high hopes at that point, but I kept trying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and and so you, you right, because I remember you saying that you had been sick and so your body built up this. After the pregnancy of your son, your body built up this anti-pregnant virus and and you, but you did get medication. Yeah, I'll counteract that. So I mean, your story, shauna, is so full of of lessons and and the strength that you showed, because I have a situation in my family where a family member just said, no, I'm not going through that again, and gave up, and and that's so sad because that person is going to be child, childless.
Speaker 1:Now, maybe, maybe, you know, everybody has their different strengths and for some people they're just stronger than others. But I just love how you went and you just said you know what? No, no, I can do this, I'm going to whatever it takes, and I think when you finally got that diagnosis, that must have been encouraging, because that's sort of hope at the end of the tunnel, that light. Absolutely yeah, absolutely Okay. So your story is very empowering, it's extremely empowering, and so what would you say to someone who's right in the midst of going through what you went through?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would say, you know, just don't give up. And you know, just keep trying and and find a solution. You know, if something's not working, you know keep making those inquiries keep finding out what you can do differently.
Speaker 1:And you know, just don't give up hope, right, yeah, that's the big one, don't give up, yeah. So what tools and resources helped you the most?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a great question. I would say, yeah, it was a support from family and friends and doctors and yeah, I think for me it's just having that compelling reason not to give up because I wanted to have another child. I wanted my son to have a sibling to grow up with, so it's so I was. I was determined, no matter what I was like. I'm going to find a solution here. You know I'm going to make this happen.
Speaker 1:So I think, I think that. So where did the fear play into that then? Because you had a lot of determination, but you must've had quite a bit of fear.
Speaker 2:I don't think. I don't think I really did actually have too much fear after the first miscarriage. I felt, I think that because I really did actually, um, have too much fear after the first miscarriage, I felt, I think that because I was mentally prepared for for it happening again, um, I kind of I set myself up that way where I, where I wasn't scared so much of it happening again, for that reason, um, yeah, I mean, I don't really remember if there was much fear. I think it's more of that. Uh, you know other people knowing and discovering what was going on in my life and you know, you know that's that's a personal thing where you know we talked about it being a taboo topic, but no, I don't think I really necessarily had much fear. I think that the compelling, the reason was so compelling that I that I just kind of went right through it and didn't worry as much about if it didn't happen.
Speaker 1:Yes, I, yeah, I guess that's just the thing. It's just like put on your tunnel vision and just go for the goal. That's right and yeah. So how do you think others can cultivate the same kind of determination that you've had?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question. Um, yeah, I don't know that's. Yeah, that's a tough one. I think a lot of it for me just kind of came in from from that desire, that need of wanting to have another child. I think if somebody is wants something bad enough, they're gonna find, they going to find the answers. That's kind of my thoughts. And it doesn't matter if it's if it's having a child or something else in your life. If you want something bad enough, you're going to find a way to get it Right. But you have to want it and it's not anybody, nobody can can make you want something. You have to want a deep deep down inside yourself for you to have that.
Speaker 1:So I'm just curious. I know we didn't you didn't really mention too much about how your husband dealt with the miscarriages, but it obviously our spouses must be affected as well in some way. So can you tell me a little bit about you know? How was he during that process?
Speaker 2:emotion. And you know he did tell me that that night when he went to pick up our son from my mom's place, that he was crying in the hallway as he was about to, you know, knock on the door and pick up our son. And it's it's a rare occurrence for him. He doesn't really, you know, he doesn't show his emotion and I think managers like that in general, they try to hide their emotion. And you know, of course, when we found out we were expecting our daughter, you know, after it took it, it wasn't until like maybe week 16. So just shortly after the first trimester, where we're like, ok, chances are you're not going to miscarry, I think at that point it was like thank God. You know there was that relief and you know that happiness, that joy, but before that it was like, well, you know, anything could happen. You know that joy.
Speaker 1:But before that it was like, well, you know, anything could happen, you know. So, yeah, oh well, that's. I appreciate you sharing that little bit about him. And you're right, men, men tend to keep that inside. They don't tend to to share as much, but but of course, it's going to be affecting them as well, of course. And I think that that we need to remember men, because they don't always reach out for help and they don't always share how they're feeling and and sometimes they they need help as well. So how do you hope your, how do you hope your listeners, or what do you hope that your listeners going to take away from your story?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I would say just, you know, not obviously, as I mentioned before, not not to give up on your dreams, on whatever it is Um and um, you know it can. As I say, it can really relate to any parts of your life that you're you wanting to accomplish something and and just don't give up and find, find a solution, find a way, cause to me it's almost like if somebody else has done it before, I can do it. I just have to find that person that can help me and guide me to that goal I want to accomplish right.
Speaker 2:So. So I think that's what I really want readers to take away from it, and not not to be afraid, not to feel ashamed. Just you know, go and go and ask for that help. You know if you, if you find that one person isn't very supportive your mom or somebody that's close to you that you're expecting that from go seek professional help outside of that Maybe not from your sphere if you're not getting that support from them.
Speaker 1:That is excellent advice, absolutely excellent advice, because sometimes the people around us are too emotionally connected yes, us are too emotionally connected and and it's nice to be able to reach out to that person who's not as you know they're looking at it through a different lens and I think that that's great, great advice. So let's say that someone's listening right now and they're feeling broken and they're unsure of their future. What would you want to say to that person? You're sitting there, they're across from you on the couch. What are you going to say?
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, I would say, you know that. You know we all go through tough times in our lives. Whatever it is that they're going through, um, it will get better, things will will improve and things will get better. You just you just have to believe it and you have to want it bad enough to make it happen. Because we all go through our life cycles where there's certain things in our lives where we think like, oh, it's like the end of the world. And it's not. It's just, things will, will get better. You know moments of grief and you know going through heartbreak of losing a child, or whether it's a parent or a sibling. You know, whatever it is you're going through, you're going to, you're going to get through it, you'll get, you'll get over to the other side. You just can't give up on yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that You're going to get over onto the other side and I think that's that's you know in other ways that that, uh, with life in general, we all, we all have things happening. It doesn't matter how smooth it's going, eventually think something's going to erupt and it'll be either a little eruption and it'll be a big volcano. But there's always and I've learned that from my life there is always something coming. There's always. You know you're you might not never get completely over it, but there's more life to live being so vulnerable because, as you said, it is. When we talked about your story, you said this is what I want to do, it shouldn't be so taboo to talk about, and I want to let women know, uh, that, uh, that it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's nothing to fear, it's nothing, it shouldn't be taboo and um, and I think from your story, people are going to get a lot of encouragement. So I thank you so much for doing that. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much as well. Yeah, I'm happy to have been able to contribute and, like I said, I'm hoping that somebody will take something away from that in their personal life and you know whether it's having a child, or in their career or anything else that's going on their lives and and take something away from that for sure.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, oh, thank you. So, okay, everybody, remember the book is called when Life Breaks you Open, it's the Moments that Change Everything. So that book is going to be available November 29th 2024. So if you're watching this video or listening to the podcast after that time, just know that book is out there, available on Amazon, and so please do support Shauna and all our other readers by purchasing a book Now.
Speaker 1:If you want to reach out to Shauna in any way, if you want to reach out to her to discuss anything about her story, or you looking for some real estate services or anything at all, she's, she's a lovely person to chat with and very encouraging. We are going to have, in the detailed sections of the podcast, as well as the video, we're going to have all sorts of ways that you can reach out to Shauna and and and either get some advice or or well, you could get life advice or real estate advice, either one. So she's, she's out there and she is available to help. So once again, Shauna, thank you so much and thank you everybody for watching and hopefully we'll see you all again soon. Bye-bye, Thanks, Julie.